yesterday’s worries
turn to today’s realities
and mostly we feel silly
for so damn much anxiety
mental health
September 1, 2023
connections/
connecting/
friendship/
words/
will i say the right thing?
will i do this the right way?
[you don’t need to keep auditioning
for your friendships]
August 31, 2023
the panic
sets in
seasons shift
old memories
more people than i can handle
more emotions than i capable of processing
i just want to breathe
slowly
intentionally
and not feel like it’s simply a
mask
against my true
scared
self
August 23, 2023
i suppose
a resolution
for this distraction
of über depression
would be a stronger distraction
than it
but what
but what
but what
could be stronger
than my stupid brain chemistry…?
August 19, 2023
where did these sads come from?
why do they appear
in the midst of what should be
a happy time?
how are they somehow
related
to that happy time?
like i can’t let myself
get swept up in the moment —
i need to remind myself
in every moment
of joy
that despair
and tragedy
exists.
like if i let go
of the depression
that runs everything,
the glue that holds my whole being
together
will loosen
and split
and i’ll fall
apart;
and i just want
to be
myself
[someday]
[someday]
July 15, 2023
giving up on
one contest
for a guaranteed
expression
of self
giving up on
a new book club
(at least this month)
for connection
with spouse
with pup
with cat
with friend
giving up on
a couple of mornings
of poem-tidings
for sharing
my emotions
when they’re ready
to be written about
when they’re ready
to be shared
when they’re ready
when i’m ready
when
i’m
i am
July 7, 2023
i’d kindly lay myself aside
for a pup or cat or Kip
but the hardest thing i had to learn
was that my survival is their wish
June 24, 2023
sometimes i write extraordinarily dark poetry
and i kind of forget
once it’s out of me
how it could be read
interpreted
ingested and understood
by others
i’m just here getting my best and worst feels
out into the void
apologies to the void
for having to ever
absorb
this profound pain
June 22, 2023
i sit here
at my keyboard
wishing to hold the solstice
in higher regard
wanting a celebration
a consistent practice
an honoring of some kind
and i know,
i know,
that i have the ability to do so–
i have the calendar
and adult wherewithal
and resources
to make this happen–
but i feel trapped
by the depression
that anticipates
the worst
of time flowing by
instead of celebrating
our earth still turning
my lungs still breathing
our days still day-ing
until they
no longer
do
June 17, 2023
the sin of being me
is punishable
through inside and outside means
and my brain can only get so far
in forgiveness
when it’s constantly fighting against itself
and my body seems to cling to living
as it falls apart
and resolves towards innumerable lifetimes
and my soul only ever seems to
chill inside/beside
all this angst going on around and around and around
but the dark part of me
[brain?]
[heart?]
[body?]
[other?]
it keeps reminding me
that i am punishable
i should be punished
through some means
hold my beer
i’ll do it
myself
[‘if you want something done right,’
right?]
kipventures 