meandering thinking
writing
reprocessing my brain-wiring
into something maybe more conducive
to living life
calmly
patiently
happily
[if i can dream]
mental health matters
November 11, 2023
my fear
is so loud
that i’ll write about something
i don’t understand
and offend
or embarrass
[others/myself in that order]
and rather than trying
and learning
i hide
and hide harder
and hide longer
and hide farther into myself
just wanting
wanting
wanting
to write
but never doing any of it in sight.
November 2, 2023
should be excited
should be nervous
should be chittering and shaking and heart pounding and butterflies lining the walls of my stomach
but instead i’m numb
i’m accepting
i’m tired
i’m surviving
[what depression does]
October 26, 2023
vibing with the music
hoping to have something to speak of
something of which to write
to spite
the depression coming quite
quite
quite
quickly
October 3, 2023
yesterday’s worries
turn to today’s realities
and mostly we feel silly
for so damn much anxiety
September 24, 2023
observing the world around me
in a more base-neutral moment
as opposed to rainbows and bright surprise
as opposed to muddy depression eyes
objects seem to have less meaning
when i don’t imbue them with special properties
or haunting kinds of memories
they just are
September 11, 2023
how lost
am i
that i don’t
feel things
except panic
~~~
stressing
less
than i probably should be
given
circumstances
but more
than i probably would be
without
anxiety
(are they related?)
(probably)
~~~
maybe
some day
i’ll finish a
whole big-ass poem
(but probably not today)
September 1, 2023
connections/
connecting/
friendship/
words/
will i say the right thing?
will i do this the right way?
[you don’t need to keep auditioning
for your friendships]
August 31, 2023
the panic
sets in
seasons shift
old memories
more people than i can handle
more emotions than i capable of processing
i just want to breathe
slowly
intentionally
and not feel like it’s simply a
mask
against my true
scared
self
August 23, 2023
i suppose
a resolution
for this distraction
of über depression
would be a stronger distraction
than it
but what
but what
but what
could be stronger
than my stupid brain chemistry…?
kipventures 