February 13, 2023

i wish i had written more as a child
about what it felt like to be
those ages that i was–
it all felt so solid
inevitable
unchangeable
at the time

but now it slips my mind
i try to hold the grains of sand
as tightly as i can
and i have no specificity
just generic hazy memory
like things
vibes
of times
but i want the solid
the thought processes
the emotions (good and bad and in-between)
i want to remember
me

but instead i get this vague reaching
for who i used to be
and who i might
have grown
into

but none of this feels as solid
as writing does
now

so maybe that’s why i write
every day
even if it feels silly
or poorly crafted
or i don’t know what i’ll ever do with it
i need to find a way to look back
and identify myself
from years away

because sometimes i can’t even identify myself today

May 6, 2022

when doing something
‘cringe’
as an 18 year old,
i was so stressed out
that i wasn’t acting like an immediate adult
in every way

but when pondering those
‘cringe’
moments now, 10+ years later,
i am struck with how much of a gosh-darn baby
i still was.

[and ‘cringe’ is a social construct anyway]

[like gender]

[and time]

April 22, 2022

even though
it’s getting slightly easier
every day,
it sure is hard.

~~~

trying to write
about not Louka
(not because i don’t want to write about her,
but because i know
i’ll just let myself write about her
and be sad
for p much
the rest of my life
(/or i’ll write for so long
that the first day i do end up writing
about not her
i’ll feel so guilt-ridden
it’ll eat me from
the inside-out)

but i suppose i should appreciate
and admit
that she still is on my mind
and will be
for a long, long time,
and grief will be there
for almost as long,
and the best thing to do
for her memory
and my own sanity
is not to force
any
thing
(the forced stopping
is probably as bad as
the forced continuation
of poems solely about
Louka the Good Dog)

so, please, forgive me
as i ride this roller coaster of emotions,
the highs of the silly memories
and the lows of the guilt
of needing to make the choice for her
and her failing body
to let her go
across the Rainbow Bridge/
up to Dog Heaven/
transition to the next life/
the next body/
whatever happens
next,

and Louka,
please know,
our love is with you
always.

~~~

there are certain things
we haven’t done yet
and continue to not be able to do:

long walks
around the neighborhood,
meandering around
these streets/
up to the college/
saying hi to everyone else
walking,
taking the side path
from the backyard/door
to the front
(our path with Louka
because stairs weren’t great
for her old arthritis legs),
having bagels for breakfast again…

but there are some things
we are starting to do,
tentatively,
still with the presence of
Louka
in mind:
yesterday i tried to nap,
and though the cat is not quite as great
of a nap buddy
as the dog was,
she still stayed with me
until i drifted off to sleep
at least once,
and today we are listening to music
in the morning
once more
(though apparently it’s easier
to have music we’ve never heard before),
but it’s all still very hard
but we’ll make it through
with those memories of Louka
with us.

March 14, 2022

i don’t have
many memories
from childhood

an iconic moment here

a rush of emotion there

the things that i did all summer
bundled into one specific instance

mostly
{like my thoughts}
i have
vibes

generally
my memories
consist of the
aura
of childhood
of carefree freedom
imagination
the feeling of being
too big for that tiny body
to old for this world
(or maybe too big for this small world
and too old for that young body)

and as my memories age out
from childhood
to tween,
pre-teen,
teenage-hood,
young-adulthood
the memories get darker
angstier
and even the vibes
are less clear

the older i got
the swirlier the emotions became

until something happened
and i feel like i burst forth
from a cauldron of muck
and murky emotions
and became fully me

[when did that happen?
when i hit my stride in my early/mid 20’s?
when i chopped off all my hair
and started caring less
about what i was ‘supposed to’ be?
when i finally birthed myself out of the
strong-arm of academia?
when i met kip?
when i figured out i was non-binary?
when i started feeling more like i did
at 9?
(even though, emotionally, i do still have times/days/stints
of 19-year-old me?)]

memories are fickle
and i feel as though mine might be
fickler than most

but hey,
the vibes of my childhood,
overall,
they were simply
exquisite.

February 2, 2022

2-2-22
[two, two, two two]

and groundhog day

is my delight of fun dates lessened
because i’m no longer in a class where
writing the date is required,
and i no longer have dozens of other students around me
commenting on the weirdness/wonder-ness
of the date

let’s see if i can get that same high
just from spousal conversation;

the delighted “ah!”
akin to the noise [i’d believe] would come
out of the mouth of a baby velociraptor
that just emitted from my blue-haired spouse’s mouth
has made up for
years
without classmates
(and years with)

and how wonderful that i get to live this life
with this Kip
(especially since,
when i was a child in those classrooms,
i was sure,
absolutely, 100% convinced
that i would never be partnered
because my ‘weird’ was too much
for anyone else to love
(and also because, you know, the trauma,
and deals i made with myself
to avoid giving love to another
who may end up leaving me)

and yes, tomorrow isn’t guaranteed
but i now have hundreds of these morning page poems
each encapsulating a memory,
most across a giant, cluttered table,
writing early morning musings
while my spouse does the same
(or programs)
(or peruses the internet)
(or writes emails)
and those mornings turn into days
of silly moments during work hours
stealing a kiss because we missed each other,
and evenings of silly videos
or deep conversations
or delicious meals
or tight cuddles
or cat-hassling
or meandering dog walks
(oftentimes most or all of the above)
and baby HJ never thought they’d encounter
a human being
who could love them so much
warts (and tears) (and weirds) and all.

August 31, 2021

summers
have always been
Magical
for me

as a child
wandering around lands i probably shouldn’t have been wandering around
sneaking past “no trespassing” signs
set against hunters’ blinds
(but no one was ever there when i was there;
November is the time for guns,
June, July, August the time for fairies in human form),
skirting around soy bean farms
before ‘soy’ was even a word in my vocabulary
(‘fuzzy beans,’ i used to call them),
crossing tiny creeks
jumping or wading
watching waterbugs skitter past
breathing in the hot air
staying mostly under trees
to avoid the [inevitable] tomato red sunburn
sometimes with friends
but most of the time with myself
speaking stories out loud
creating both sides of dialogue on the tip of my own one tongue
the endless tales of magic
and friendship
and exploration
my companions
for whole summers.

as an adult, most summers have come and gone
but there have been
two
that have held even more magic:

at twenty-two
i was dumped
one month shy of a five-year anniversary
and my personality had become contingent
on hers
and the April breakup,
the steady flow of May tears
somehow passed into a
June/July/August
of friendship and finding myself
truly feeling my emotions for the first time since i was
seventeen
(perhaps even farther back, because of, you know, the trauma;
perhaps feeling emotions fully for the first time since i was
eleven),
and i felt the good and the
bad
the joy and the
sorrow
the bitterness and the
love.
and i found that friendship didn’t need to stay braced on the one side of
platonic
and i found that i could be myself, silly, joyful, tearful, and loud
and sociable
in a way i’d never felt before
(always having been on the outside,
the observer,
the child alone in the field talking to themselves making up worlds and adventures…)
there was a magic in that summer
i don’t think i could accurately name,
a friendship, a late adolescence, a very slight hedonism, but a care for self and others,
that was my first adult magic summer
(The Summer Of No Egrets)

at twenty-seven
(plus 3)
my spouse and i moved to the city that never sleeps,
and after celebrating my twenty-seventh birthday for the fifth time
we looked forward to getting settled over the winter
and truly getting to know the city in the spring.
and then a global pandemic happened.
time stood damn near still
most people home, waiting
two weeks turned into four, which turned into another month, then another
until we were ‘working from home’ ‘indefinitely.’
and as an actor
one who works gig by gig,
long, spacious times between each production
(zoom replacing stages,
closets full of sweaters replacing in-person sound booths),
i had plenty of time to watch the tides from our living room,
cheer at 7 for those putting their lives on the line to keep the city as healthy as possible,
and one day, after an endless string of Black men (and women, and children, and trans women and trans men and nonbinary folks…) being
killed
murdered
by the hands of those who white america thinks are here for
“protection,”
the nation broke,
the city
erupted.
i was aware as far as national news,
but a contingent marched past our building
and i felt foolish for not having been among them,
so i did my research,
and joined in marches,
across downtown Brooklyn,
where healthcare workers stood outside their workplaces
and cheered for us, on the front lines, trying to make the city
safer
than originally thought possible,
blocking traffic in Manhattan,
listening to folks of color
tell me tales,
speak words that
i knew logically,
but hadn’t thought of
emotionally.
and a full scale revolution erupted.
i watched as those in power were given
full riot gear
as we peacefully chanted to the sky
“i don’t see no riots here.”
taking knees,
holding space,
coming in white
staying in silence,
listening
and listening
and listening
and watching
and observing
and protecting
and seeing how a world could be better
the magic of that summer,
of a whole damn city coming together
to say that Black Lives do matter
and they matter
to us
every day
for an entire summer…
and while i wasn’t able to be out there every day,
i still felt the magic
that there was more than just me,
i was one amongst many;
the full power wasn’t in my face,
but mine as one in a sea of faces
so many you could no longer pick out just one
and everyone was invigorated
and everyone was excited
and everyone was yelling/chanting/singing in their hearts
and i was able to see
what community looks like.
the magic
of what community looks like.

i don’t have a good ending
for this poem.
but i think,
upon some months of reflection
after the initial fingertips to keyboard keys
musings of these magics
one idea stands out a little farther than the others:
it’s the people.

the magic of my childhood summers was based
[primarily]
in isolation,
the feeling of needing a break
from the ever loud and sociable days of school
forced by law to be there
day after day after day after day after day,
and that break was necessary.

but the magic of my adulthood summers
is based absolutely entirely
in community
in coming together
in observing and living
the ideal of what togetherness means

(and maybe my childhood summers weren’t about isolation at all,
but instead creating the community i needed,
that i hand’t found yet
in my mind…)

but please, as we get back to a reality
that is about to endure the difficult (for me) transition
From August to September,
from summer to fall,
remember that people are important
and the magic is in
togetherness,
and find your community in
whatever way and place suits you best,
and donate some money or time
to a Black-led organization
today.

June 24, 2021 (part 2) or: Grandma Jean

A life
A life well lived
A life well lived for a long time

Spunky,
Always learning,
Always growing,
(except in height)
Always pushing the boundaries
Of what it means
To be a woman
In a yacht club
In a college
In a profession.
To be a person.

And the stories
(oh the stories)
A letter full of spelling mistakes
(from a spelling-bee winner)
Kept for decades
Touted as her favorite letter.
Working in the general store
Her father owned
But banned from interacting with customers
Because of that one time she threw a potato at one.
Wearing witch stickers,
Being a dog magnet,
(when she didn’t really like dogs),
And the one I got to experience:
Staring at a piece of art for a long time
Asking ‘Who did that?’
And when we said ‘You did!’
Her response was,
‘I thought I liked it.’

Let’s raise a glass
(of Vernors)
To Jean Jackson Price.