when lying on your deathbed
with your last breath
you can’t take it with you —
power accrued
wealth amassed
bodies stylized
any of that
what stays with you is
love
and
your acceptance of self
i’ve seen the love in a room
carry a soul
to whatever comes next
and i know when i die
i may have some small regrets
but you’ll never find me regretting
the person i’ve become
so what
is the point
of what so much of humanity
has
done?
what a nightmare
of a night
what with screaming cats
and whining puppies
and keeping us up all night
[especially when we were both so excited
to go to sleep so early
and sleep in just a bit]
but
but
but
however
i’d rather have these animals
and have them interrupt our sleeps
with their hassles
than not have them at all
and that’s the truth
[damn, love is crazy]
half asleep
half awake
half in love with
half the people
here on half this earth
[though i love the whole planet
like i can’t get away from
my own desires, crying when i see
a single beam of sun
encroach over the horizon
of a view i’ve never seen in real life/
or simply the leaves of trees
i always see
but rarely really
look at
on my daily commute
using human infrastructure
and human pathways
to get to human-created endeavors
and human-built buildings
but right here
are magics
we could never
ever
ever begin to
develop on our own
without the pathways led to us
for us
from the
earth]
every
single thing
on this planet
is so fucking special
i cannot
cannot
get over it
[this could include
humans
and humanity…
does it?]
nine years
married
a married-a-versary
[in this world we’re living in]
but
queer joy is resistance
and showing resilience
and we can do it
while also
using our privilege to help others
in our
community
children
and philosophers
wonder at the wonder of the world
children
and writers
imagine all the what-ifs
children
and actors
inhabit others’ stories
children
and tinkerers
mess around with physical objects
to see what can be done
i don’t think that it is only one kind of person
or profession that
keeps the “play” alive
from childhood
the key is simply to find a way
to keep your own childhood loves
going and going and going
so you never
lose them
every time
we see a thirteen
in the date, we have to say:
“gasp! happy manniversary!”
even if it’s not a friday
even if it’s not in may
because every thirteenth
is our favorite day
[even when they don’t go so well,
or we don’t really celebrate
our anniversary
that day]
and we need a little more
joy
in our lives these days
[so here’s to
eight years
and eight months
of marriage!]
i want to resist
with love
and creativity
and i know the other side
has so much hatred
to fuel their fire
and it will get to me
it will get to me
but i’d rather stay soft
and weepy
than let blind rage lead me
to hurting anyone
inside
or outside
my community
when we first met
kip wasn’t sure
if they’d be able to be with me
long term
because i insited that i
didn’t like
dogs
but as they got to know me,
they saw how much i loved all animals
no matter what, so then they
started to share stories
of dogs being so good
and introducing me
to dogs here and there
and observing
and guiding
until the concept of us getting a dog
was raised, and i said “maybe”
that maybe, after volunteering with a shelter, became a “probably”
and then a “yes” with so many caveats
and then a “yes” with a couple of caveats
and by the time we helped Louka into our lives
those caveats were gone
and now i can’t even say whether i’m a dog or a cat person
in black and white terms
because i love all cats and all dogs
so so so so so so much
and i am so thankful to my kip
and my dogs
for teaching me just how wonderful
dogs are
nothing
is as comforting
as an animal
who loves you
the trust inherent
when they fall asleep
precariously perched on your lap
or cuddle up
so close
they are lierally on top of your legs
and they feel emotionally comfortable enough
to completely pass out
dreaming eyes
running feeties
wagging tails
in their sleep
purring until you too
are dreaming
it’s a comfort i wish i could give others
but i’ll just have to count myself lucky
to have built it in my
hassle animals
wearing my Grandmama’s jean jacket shirt,
the one that was probably too big for her, too,
with a stain on the pocket that she hid with some cool embroidery —
a design around the initial she went by
[her full name was “Mary Jane” but she went by “Jane”
for as long as any of us can remember]
and because i’ve started going by my initials,
i knew i could easily add a little “H” on one side
and a little “F” on the other of this giant “J”
and it would look intentional, like the rest of the design,
and i could claim this as my own —
and wear it not as a hand-me-down
from the Grandmama where i got my middle name, but as a
continuation of the lineage
of Jane
and J
and the art of embroidery
and family
and everything…
kipventures 