January 2, 2026

down that coffee
chug that water
sprint down the stairs and
get ready for the day ahead
today
today
it will be
a day

[still kind of on
vacay
and spending time with kip
continuing traditions
and making new
and just do it
just get excited
and run run outrun the seasonal
depression
slowly invading your
head]

~~~

how come
this past
holiday season
i was unable to find
any
goddamn
candy canes
[of the candy cane flavor
variety]
?

[i found plenty
of skittles-flavored candy canes
and candy cane flavored
other things
but absolutely
zero
candy cane flavored
candy canes]

where did they all go?

has capitalism forced creativity
beyond our human wants and desires?

probably.

almost
definitely.

[well, at least our ai overlords
can enjoy the absurdity of our
‘ingenuity’
atop our burning bodies
after the world catches on fire
and the only water left
not contributing to coastal flooding
is being fed to them]

~~~

the problem
the problem
the problem is
i know
i know
i know our apocalypse
will be
so
so
so
slow

we won’t see it coming
we won’t acknowledge it here

we’ll just keep hoofing it to work
and buying our bagels
as our eyes slide past
broken infrastructure
and bodies in the street
until we’re about to be the body
and by then
it’ll be
too late
[and another person will walk past you
pretending
everything
everything
everything
is normal]

December 31, 2025

one year ago i was so apprehensive
of the impending twenty twenty five

i wept the day of the eve
fearing the worst
not even letting myself hope for the best,
the best i could hope for
was survival

and i did survive this horrid year
[and had some lovely adventures
within it]

but i can’t close out this year without acknowledging
the lives lost
and livelihoods/health/sanity thrown away
due to the ultimate greed of
just a few
just a few
who make decisions
for the many
the many who
they don’t even care about

ceos
and presidents
and random fuckbags who like to set social media sites
on fire
for fun
should not have the choke-hold they do
on our society

and while i can complain
and condemn

i do not want to be like them

so instead i’ll say:
human beings matter
and deserve fair treatment
from the immigrant
to the trans child
to any person with darker skin than the congressional average —
being white
or male
or christian
or rich
or cis
does not make anyone better or more adept to make decisions for the rest;
for human beings contain multitudes
and each human knows what’s best for themselves
but not
for others
and i truly believe
if left to our own devices
and to our own community-based natures
we’d err on the side of righteousness
and kindness
so, even though twenty twenty six
may be filled with the same
cult leaders
and snake oil salesmen
and fearmongers
and dictators,
let us band together
in our local communities
to show each other
we care

[and we have the power
to say no
to white supremacist
racist
transphobic
bigoted
propaganda
disguised as
nationalistic
“history”

we can know
our own
true history
and we can work together
to make the future
so much better
than any of these old
unimaginative
dinosaurs
know what to do with]

[here’s to a wonderful
and kind
and free
2026]

December 27, 2025

just past my house
on the dead-end street it lies upon
is a strange sort of
Wishing Well
and, well, it never grants wishes
instead it grants
Fears

but the nice thing is
most of our fears
are far worse in our heads
than they ever are
in real
life

so my fear of spiders
erupted
but didn’t bury me
as i’d assumed it would

and my little brother’s fear of losing his favorite toy
of course happened by him
dropping it in
but it was the late nineties by then
and his tonka truck was available
at any toys r us
and it “magically reappeared”
the next
morning

and my friend’s fear of
losing her grandfather
of course happened the minute she touched
the side of the well
but she also got to say goodbye to his spirit
which stopped by
at that very spot

so

so

well

i guess

what i’m trying to say is…

now that my fear is societal collapse
and ultimate armageddon,
but i also can’t see how we’ll get out of this
very rough point in history
without it
i’ve been thinking about that
Fearing Well
a lot
and wondering
if it’s still just past my parents’ old house
on that dead end street
and if believing in the magic of the object is enough
to cancel out the fact that
this fear is now
a wish
as well

December 18, 2025

this puppy
is so damn cute
i cannot handle it
i cannot handle it

playing with the squeaker of a long-gone toy
placing it gently in my hand
and nudging it forward
for me to throw

and the utter delight as she scrambles
on all of her feeties
trying to catch the squeaker as it bounces
unevenly
across the floor

or the container from yesterday’s dog ice cream
handing it off to me
in order to play tug
or just lick it some more
getting the last little bits of flavor
out from the waxed cardboard

or just laying on the ground
and looking up at me
with her giant, beautiful, trusting, dark-rimmed
puppy dog eyes
and white eyebrows
[evolutionarily placed there
just so her species
could mimic mine]
and i don’t always know what she’s thinking
but i know she’s trying to communicate with me
with little
stomps of her feet
or half-breathy boofs
or a hesitant wag of her tail
or just a side-look
and my heart melts
and i am putty for her
because she is putty for me
and we collapse into each other
enjoying being
puppy and human
and not too dissimilar
for a moment
in time

November 2, 2025

getting up
getting ready
taking the puppy on a walk
sitting down to write
or eat
or prepare for the day

then going about the day
which could be any number of things:

circus
or
a script reading
or
teaching aerial to children
or
grand jury these days
[but only for four more days]
or
[and these are the days i miss]
just chilling at home
kissing the puppy
cuddling with the cat
taking a nap
doing some household chores
taking whatever time i want to take
and
maybe
writing a little more

[when will i get time
to be creative
throughout my days
again?]

October 12, 2025

another night
of waking up at 1/2/3/4 in the morning
to stress
to discomfort
to the panic at the state of the world
and the state of my mind
and this would all be fine
if i could just
fall back
to sleep
like i so recently used to

but apparently i’m back to
high school
college
teenage
early 20’s hj
where i struggle to fall asleep
and i struggle to stay asleep
and every moment i wish i was asleep
i panic about not getting enough sleep
and everything
always feels
so much
worse
in the nighttime

i considered waking kip up
to talk with them
hold them
have them hold me
to see
if having someone right there with me
would be any help at all
and i think, if i had panicked myself any harder
any more
any longer
i might have

but somehow
i finally
fell back
to sleep

how did i survive damn near a decade
like this???

[i was miserable the whole time
that’s how]

[i don’t want to be that miserable
again]

October 7, 2025

i hope i never lose my fascination
with other people

my deep-hearted desire
to understand others,
to hear about their lives and endeavors,
even when i don’t understand them —

listening to info-dumps
and rants about favorite hobbies
or points of interest
or simply stories of personal past histories

i adore being invited into strangers’ lives
[even when the stranger is one
i’ve shared a life with — their pasts are still
unknown to me and my life,

and being invited in, no matter how distant
feels so intimate]

i write this from the perspective
of trying to tell my own father
about my life
and what’s important to me
and seeing/hearing/feeling him
get antsy from
not caring
if he can’t
understand
or relate

and it breaks
my heart

i never want to make anyone else feel like this way

i hope everyone feels invited
to share their passions
with me

even
/
especially
if i don’t “get it”

[i adore learning new things,
and connection
above all]

October 5, 2025

i got
a sudden sad
yesterday

appearing out of
[seemingly]
nowhere, bubbling up to my eyes
hot with unexpected tears
all of a sudden
filling
overflowing
dripping down my
sad sad face
as i searched for something
to take the pain even slightly
away

and my kip was there to hold me
[the only thing that ever truly helps]
and jiggle/wiggle me around
to make me laugh some of the tears away

and the puppy was there to nuzzle into my face
and dry up the dripped tears with her fur

and the cat was there
to confuse my sadness away
when she tried to lick the inside of my
recently emptied coffee mug

but later

kip was on the couch
slowly melting to prone
as the weight of the news
read from the phone
crushed them down
gravity invading their bones
until they couldn’t move anymore

and i had used up all my personal stock of
any sort of ‘light at the end of the
fascist
tunnel’ feeling to wipe my eyes
and continue the laundry that needed
to be done,
so i couldn’t be there for my kip
as they had just been there for me
experiencing the same sadness
i had just
felt

this is a horrible timeline

why can’t people
[in power]
just
be
kind?

May 18, 2025

hiding
or fighting
a fascist dictatorship

a takeover of/from
what once called itself
the paradigm of democracy

and we the people
somehow
voted this power-monger in

[though, with wealth, it’s easy enough
to turn the tides of an election
with tactics on either side
of the line of
voter fraud]

but what do we do
when our numbers mean so little
against media takeovers and social distractions
and virtue signaling and in-fighting?

a revolution is at hand
but the powerful seem to have control
over literally everything

[we’ve been here before —
we, as a species —
perhaps the technology is new,
but i’m certain
i’m certain
the despair and feeling of powerlessness
has all happened
and will all happen
again
and again
and again and again and again
because humans hunger for power
almost as much as they hunger for community

it’s just
will we learn
from our past

or not?]

May 15, 2025

perhaps you wake up one day
and the sky is purple instead of blue

still the same brightness — no sunrise or sunset vibes
making the change, though many things may adjust
from your point of view — like are you near a body of water?
look at it, it’ll reflect the sky, and you’ll realize
in that moment, that the ocean is not, in fact, blue,
or even any color on its own,
but a simple showing back of
the sky above it

but

no one else remarks on the suddenness of the purple in the sky
and when you see a game show with simple questions
or shadow your niece’s kindergarten class
the correct answer to “what color is the sky”
is “purple!” every time

so what now?

do you ask someone about it?
do you try to sleep it off?

do you check your own kindergarten worksheets
dug up and pulled down from your parents’ house’s attic?
there, in your own handwriting, is “purple”
and even poems you wrote ages ago
where you rhymed “blue” with “true” at the end of a stanza
put forth the same rhyme scheme, but with purple in the middle
“the sky’s purple hue/makes my heart beat true”
and it works
better than
“blue”

do you take this to your therapist
crossing your fingers behind your body
that it won’t be enough to get you committed
again?

how long has your reality strayed from everyone else’s?

is everyone else under an illusion now?
were you picking up nonreality for twenty-seven years?

why
why
why
is this happening?
to you?

you wait

and perhaps

you never get an answer…