July 3, 2026

how to survive the heatpocalypse

-drink plenty of water
like, you know you already drink more water than the average person, but now is the time to truly indulge — refill your water bottle before it’s completely empty, make sure you are never out, limit your caffeine intake (even though you’ve seen more and more headlines indicating that coffee does not dehydrate you, better to play it safe when you’re sweating out all of the liquids you’re ingesting), and speaking of sweating, make sure you get those salts and electrolytes! at least one pack of liquid iv per day, in cold cold water, sometime between noon and 8pm, so you can indulge in the nice, cooling feeling of fridge water, as well as the important extra things your body needs that you can’t just get from over a hundred fluid ounces of plain water alone. (in a pinch, and if you’re away from home, buying a gatorade or the like will also help). and though they are tempting, it’s probably best to avoid the sugary sodas left over from the end-of-semester pizza party. you can indulge when it’s not one hundred degrees outside.

-check each room’s a/c and sleep in the strongest one
really analyze — the window units are old and probably need either filter-changes or to be thrown away (but you hate throwing away things until they are fully broken down, and you cannot, for the life of you, find window a/c units that fit your 96-year-old house’s tiny windows, so you’ll probably use them until they fully die, but they also can’t really take this heat bubble, so just see how they’re doing), the bedroom one seems to be struggling more, so perhaps you don’t get to sleep in your bed tonight, but the downstairs one is doing alright in conjunction with the ceiling fan, but it’s also trying to cool the whole downstairs, which is rough on these units which are you-don’t-actually-know-how-old, plus your spouse suspects it is couch-sleeping that makes their shoulder hurt the worst, so the newest, non-window a/c in the guest room it is, which cools the room down almost immediately, and keeps the heat down, though has the downfall of being sucked in by whomever is closest, so you make sure your spouse sleeps next to it, because they cannot sleep overheated, and you know you’ll sleep, just restlessly, and that’s not much different from most nights, to be honest.

-train your body to sleep over the covers
so you have the things you need, as a former/current insomniac, to actually fall asleep (you haven’t yet trained your body to stay asleep, but hey, fixing half the problem is a huge gain!), but this is, unfortunately, not the time to use the bundling of blankets as your immediate-fall-asleep-spell. you have your other things: on your stomach, hands tucked just under your pillow, at least one animal next to or on you, your spouse next to you (though probably no cuddling, seeing as how hot it is, even with the a/c blowing), this is the time to use your training of your body in tricksy ways — you know you can’t fall asleep unless all of your body is coated in clothes, use your long sleeved shirt, long leggings, knee-high socks, and the hot air around you to trick your body into believing it’s under five blankets. let that lull you into a kind-of-comfort in order to kick-start sleep.

-trust the animals to know what they need
yes, you will need to provide more water throughout the day to them, or open the door to let them into/out of the rooms with closed-door a/c units blowing, but if you start trying to chase them down to give them water, or worry overnight that they are overheated and should really be elsewhere than where they are because they are all fur and no sweat glands, you will anxiety yourself into your high-school self. they are animals. they are used to having fur coats. neither of them enjoys the cold of the winter, so they’re probably doing alright. they will scratch at the door when they want in or out. they will pant to cool down. they will drink the water when they are thirsty. keep an eye on them, surely, but if you worry too hard about them, there will be no rest for anyone, and that’s probably the most useful thing to survive for everyone in this house — rest

-plan for that rest
though you are very good about surviving in the heat of the city, the hot train cars, clacking that fan to breeze away your sweat, bringing your own shade with you in the form of an umbrella everywhere, if you have the luxury of working from home or cancelling plans, do it. stay in the shade and the coolness of the parts of the house that stay cool. it is lucky that it’s a holiday weekend, so you can even indulge in some kip-time that includes chilling on the couch together, playing with the puppy, writing, stretching, nothing too strenuous, and definitely nothing taking you into the city with the heat increasing and increasing with every glass-sided building and concrete-finished ground. your area is tree-filled and therefore cooler than the average nyc neighborhood. use it. utilize it. stay here. stay as long as you can, as long as the electricity works.

-and speaking of electricity — don’t over-use it
delay laundry day, so you’re not trying to run a dryer on top of multiple a/c units. turn the fans on and the lights off. let the a/c units not run too strong during the day (it’s the nighttime when you actually need them anyway). don’t run big electronics. don’t be the cause of a brown-out. don’t get mad when the electricity doesn’t run as hard as other days because the electricity-provider is trying to prevent a brown-out. use showers as cooling, hand-fans, ice-packs, keep the fridge closed, eat leftovers cold. there are always ways that you can conserve the electricity and still get cool. do them now.

-know that it will be over in just a few days
while the trend, due to climate change, is increasing in amount and severity these heat bubbles and polar vortexes and once-in-a-lifetime storms (which we’ve seen at least two dozen of in our three decades of living so far), the nice thing about weather is that it changes and moves and the wind takes things away and we will get a respite in a few days. you never thought that seeing a high of “just” 90 would fill you with relief, but after multiple days of over 100 being estimated, the “feels-like” temperature crawling higher and higher, revel in the respite when it comes. and maybe, just maybe, run out into the thunderstorm when it brings even cooler fronts with it. forget about avoiding wetting your rainbow hair and just enjoy the natural coolness of the rain.

-and then potentially do this all over again…

June 29, 2026

i’m feeling
a
type
of
way
and i don’t necessarily know
what type of way that is
but at least i know why

change
and staying the same

change is
show ending
kip starting a brand new job
[that, granted, is not in france
but still, a big change]
change is
going back to things
circus
friendships
that may have paused
while i was so damn busy
change is
fixing up the house into something i
might want to make [and perhaps film]
physical projects inside
[and make room to have it so that
kip feels at home in our home
as well/still]

and staying the same is
having a mess
as usual
and being too open for my own damn good
and not knowing how to interact in social
[and non-social] situations…
i wish there was an instruction manual for living
[but, let’s be honest, would i follow it?
or would i deem it too ‘societally normative’ and
literally and/or figuratively throw it out the window
or
or
would i want a societal manual just to decide
what is for me and what is not?
and that begs the question
even if i read
and intended
to follow, would i actually be able to
or would i still fall back into
what i know/feel best
which is how i act
and i just am who i am
and that’s all that i can be
and i needn’t be worrying myself so
about all of this?]

and the conclusion of this poem is that
change happens
and sameness happens
and there are no instructions for life because
we are all just who we are
and that is all we [probably] ever will be

and that is ok.

June 24, 2026

teaching —

as a child, i gave gifts
and thank you cards
to many [most?] [all?] of my teachers
[of course with my parents’ help]

but i kinda forgot that was a thing that could be done

as i got older, and effort became more effortful,
it was my job to just get through school, writing
notes was something kids did who had their shit together
[or at least both parents living and/or relatively sober
enough to help with the logistics of it all]
and since school, i’ve wished i could be the kind of person
who gave cards to everyone involved in a play, or wrote
christmas cards at the end of the year, but i think i got
into the habit too soon of seeing it as an overwhelming task,
so i leave the physical notes out, and just try to tell people
in person
in the moment
when i’m thankful for them.

but

i suppose i made an impact
[or at least these kids have their parents’ help and reminders]
[and money]
enough to get three cards
three gift cards
three thank you notes
[and one gorgeous painting]
and i will treasure each one
for as long as i can
because each one
[even the one that just says
‘thank you for the pizza. love ya dawg’]
were a mark of thinking of me
[as i’ve thought of them
when lesson planning and stressing and looking back and enjoying]
and i’m thankful for them
and it’s just a beautiful circular pattern
of thinking
and thanking
and i hope they [and their parents]
know how much
i appreciate them
all

June 20, 2026

the content of our content
matters less than the
clicks it amasses
and i guess i’m just too tired
to care about algorithms and
search engine optimization and
making myself into a brand or whatever

i’ve only been around thirty-some-odd years
but i feel as though i’ve lived a hundred of those
[and yet i only have the total memory of like five,
so interpret all my complaints however you will]
so i’m not going to waste my time with clickbait
and playing a game for an entity i think
could bring good
but is currently
absolutely
not

i’m not against the internet
i’m against how it’s being used and utilized
by the vulture class

[might i not actually be against capitalism, but instead
against how it’s being used and utilized
and structured and exploited
by the vulture class, too?]

[maybe at its basest definition

but capitalism has changed meanings
as it means now — accumulation of wealth for the wealthy
by feeding off consumerist culture
and the only way it stays stable is to
grow
fast
exponentially —

i’m definitely against all that.]

but a tirade against capitalism isn’t how this poem started
[that is how many of my poems end]

i’d love to be assessed for the content of my content
not the number or type or flashiness of the thumbnail

[though, in the end, we’re all left screaming into the void
and the void never ever
calls back]

April 18, 2026

glasses full of smudges
and scratches
and i want to find an eye-option
that i don’t find multiple problems with

it was never glasses
those falling off my face
and fogging up
and getting in the way
and always getting dirty
and always making me feel
self-conscious about the way i look
with glasses

and it’s recently not contacts
with the headaches when i spend
even a little bit of time
looking at a screen
and getting so damn dry after like 6 hours
and needing to replace them
over
and over
and over
and struggling when they feel
even a tiny bit off
in my eye
and the random blurs
that still haunt my eyesight

and it’ll never be
just
dealing with myopia
mine’s too intense
too advanced
too unable to see
literally
anything—not quite legally blind
but close, i’d bet, without some form of
betterment

is lasik even an option for me???

April 13, 2026

scrolling the feed
social media and doom
and feeling the gloom of
what a world what a world what a world

reading the newspaper
and seeing only sensation
the worst things are what sell
what a world what a world what a world

listening to the hot gossip
and feeling not so great about it
and maybe the subject matter and the talk give me
what a world what a world what a world

what a world
i cry
what a world
i try to fly away from it all
what a world
i mean
i’d like to die
but that could just be the suicidal ideation talking
or it could be this world
what a world
what a world
it could just be
this world

and here’s the thing
i know
i know
i know the world
can be pretty great sometimes

the people
their actions
there’s compassion everywhere
if you know what to look for

but sometimes we get caught up thinking
what a world
that we forget
what a world
to take a moment
what a world
and forget
what a world
about the world
what a world
and concentrate
what a world
on those
what a world
immediately
what a world
surrounding us
what a

huh

these folks/animals/vibes are pretty nice actually

what a
kind
cozy
comfy
tiny
world

April 5, 2026

i live my life based on the philosophy
i read in a tumblr post
once

the long and short of the text was that
after your were finished with a life
you got to what you thought were the pearly gates
of heaven
or hell
or limbo
or wherever
and you started to see,
though there was no one else there,
that you’d been here before
thousands upon millions upon billions of times
and it was revealed that you
are and were and would be
everyone

and every time you had been mean
you had simply been being mean
to a former [or future] iteration of yourself

and every time you had been kind
or received kindness
that was you
and you and you
all along

and it’s not that i can only thing about
the consequences of cruelty
or the benefits of kindness
if it is in relation to my own being

no

what got me about that philosophy
was the idea that
everyone around me
was so much closer than originally thought —

i spend so much time thinking i’m
a complete alien to the rest of the human race, that i
will never understand what someone is going through
and they certainly will never even try to see
what’s going on in my mind,
and everything
everyone
seems so damn foreign
and far, far away
and even when i think about
the interdependent web of all existence
there’s still a distance
i place between myself and my fellow [hu]man

but that one silly little tumblr post

it made my neighbor
and my ancestor
and the writer of the book i’m reading
and the anchor of the news show i’m fearing
and the baby in front of me
and the octogenarian on the other side of the world
and literally everyone in between
it made them all seem so much closer to me
in a sense of peace i had never before experienced

so i know that it’s probably not true

but what if it is?

and i tend to live my life based on “what ifs”
[as long as they don’t hurt anyone else]

and this particular “what if” has the tendency
to encourage
the opposite

so maybe think about it

or search out that og post
[it’s actually a pre-written short story called the egg by andy weir,
i just came across it on tumblr one day
as you do]

because i think it’s worth
the philosophizing
and the comfort
and the hope
it brings

March 31, 2026

i am visibly queer
i am visibly queer
sometimes i wish i was more
visibly trans
but other folks have their ideas
of what nonbinary-ness “should” look like
and, while androgyny is fun for some occasions
and wardrobe vestments
i think it leaves something to be desired
[i.e. imagination]
to have the only way to be
not taken in by either gender
is to cultivate a look that is “in between”
[but more often masculine, because that’s the
“default” in a patriarchal society, and i’m not playing out my gender
to play into society, i’m outing myself as a way to
get my way
the fuck
out
of
society]

[but i digress]

i am visibly queer
to allow other trans and queer folks
to see me
and know they’re
not alone

i’m visibly queer
because it makes me feel
the most at home
in my own skin
and my own identity

i’m visibly queer
also as a form of
solidarity
to those friends around me
who cannot turn off
or cover up
the melanin in their skin
or the angle of their eyes
or the accent with which they speak
or even my fellow trans folks who could not sit silently
in uncomfortable skin, so then
spent years making their own gender expression
just for some ass to say they don’t “pass” the way
that one person expects them to…

i cannot sit by while my compatriots in this fight against hate
have no ability to run away from or hide or go stealth inside
the exact parts of themselves that others
would attack them for

so why should i hide my own
queerness?

i need to stand tall
in my weird fashion and buzzed sides and rainbow hair
and loud loud queerness echoing from inside
this is me and i represent me
and i represent all who can’t or don’t feel safe being as visibly themselves
as i can be

and i can be

so i am

i am visibly queer
because i can be

i am visibly queer
because i am

and that is all that matters.

the end.

March 29, 2026

i keep so many things
stuck
huddled up
on the outside

hidden
on my sleeve

i think part of this reprieve
helps everyone but me

[how do i know what’s going on
in my own mind
if i can never find
the emotions and thoughts there?]

or

or

or

am i so disconnected
[head to heart to body]
that it seems like everything is external to me?

and if somehow
some way
i could simply connect
myself
to myself
i might see
all the emotions and thoughts
i thought i had hidden away
externally

they’ve all been part of me
this
whole
damn
time

[maybe]

March 17, 2026

there are so many things i’d like to be doing
at all hours
of every day

writing

sewing

creating

flying

hanging out with friends

organizing my bookshelf

contemplating the mysteries of the world and the universe

and/or

just cuddling with my spouse and our animals

but i must participate
[albeit lightly]
in capitalism
and this country
[no matter how much i disagree
with so much of it
fundamentally]

and that includes having commutes
where many of my hobbies
cannot come out
and
an end of the day mind-numbing
exhaustion need that can sometimes only
be fed by silly stardew valley video games
and
a constant reminder in my head that
if i can’t make money off of a hobby
it’s not worth investing in
and
i hate that last brainwashing bit most of all

hobbies are hobbies for hobbies’ sake

i could tell you the benefits to heart and mind health
and creativity and the like
but
that gets us farther away from the point
which is that being alive
is about being alive
and sometimes we just gotta vibe
with the aliveness
that we have
and make a little shitty drawing
that makes us smile while we’re doing it
and makes a friend smile when they receive it

that’s what living is all about

[not capitalism
not capitalism
not capitalism]