living in nyc

April 1, 2026

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a moment
with a stray cat
yelling at me as i looked past the spot
i usually check
for cats

a moment
with a hawk
screeching over my head
and actually seeing it
soar
away

a moment
with all the birds
who eat the cat food we put out for the strays,
the starlings and mockingbirds and robins and wrens and blue jays
[would they all actually eat the bird food
if we put up a bird feeder, or is purina
always going to be their
meal of choice?]

a moment
with our silly dog
whining at all the other
canines walking past

a moment
with squirrels
with skunks
with raccoons and possums at night
with rats along the indoor subway line
and the pigeons flocking outside

i cannot express what it means
to me
to have all these animals around us
and
get to take advantage of living inside the city

the bronx is truly a beautiful place

February 22, 2026

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the coffee
is spicy
today

[and by spicy
i mean strong
pretty
darn
strong]

and we actually went out
last night
[though not to “night life”
but to a show
an important show
a beautiful show]

and spoke
with friends old and new
afterwards

it was lovely
but now it’s morning
and i have things i have to do

[and kip has sleep
they never
get]

so i’m drinking this
spicy/strong coffee
to try to just get up and go and do

[and it just started snowing
i hate the cold, but
it’s beautiful]

February 7, 2026

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i have had
quite the busy
busy week
and today is the day for
resting
and chores that have been waiting
for at least a week
if not more to
be done

and this may end up being my week
from now until
who knows when

but i’ll keep trucking
i’ll keep doing
until i find myself
trying
something different

[i still want to write more than anything
but i can never think of anything
to actually write
about]

August 10, 2025

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i think
i see
[or am starting to
anyway]
why
the cyclone
has so much
lore
and art
and presence
and prestige
about it

i may need to ride it
a couple more times
to truly understand
[though that may be
my thrill-seeker side
craving the hairpin turns
and g-forces
pressing on my thumping heart
truly feeling
alive]

[we’ll see
we’ll see]

June 26, 2025

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getting choked up
at rallies where we all chant
“we are New Yorkers”
to signify we won’t be beaten down
or give in
to fascism

literally tearing up
while reading the world’s responses
to our mayoral primary
“that’s my mayor”
in Cleveland
in Virginia
in New Zealand
in Europe

those damn tote bags were right —

don’t you dare call me an american
i’ve never had any
pride in my country

but don’t you dare forget
that i’m a New Yorker
and my chosen city
stands up for all our
beliefs

and when we get together on something
don’t you dare forget
what we can all accomplish
as New Yorkers
together

August 22, 2024

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the panic had receded
slightly
right around the trip
[maybe it’s because
i was travel-stressed
so i had no room in me
for any other stressors]
[maybe it was just the magic
of a trip
of a visit
to people i love]
whatever it was, i even felt less
the stress
of coming back here — opportunities seemed
gettable
achievable
doable
and i felt like i could march right in
to anywhere
and at least ask for what i want with my life

but now that i’m back
the existential dread has set right back in —
i barely had a day and a half
before i was sad
and panic-ridden
and overwhelmed
and lonely
in this city of millions and millions and millions

and yet i love it here
and it is definitely home
and i ache for it when i leave

how do you do this, nyc?

July 28, 2024

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spotted lantern flies
cursed our existence
outside
one year ago

this year there are still some
but they seem few
and far-between
and i’m hoping that means
that we as new yorkers
got together and destroyed
[/are still destroying]
an invasive species
that hurts our ecosystem.

as many faults as i can find with nyc
from living here for five years
that is one thing i gotta hand us —
when we have a task
to better our neighborhoods
that we can all get behind — we do it
and we do it
good.

March 20, 2022

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New York City
is giving us
a true
spring!

(for the first time
in years)

yes, we were here in
Brooklyn
for two springs in a row,
but you’ve got to admit
the spring of
2020
was a little more surrealistic
than springtime
in terms of
~everything~
and please, Brooklyn, forgive us
for only observing
your brick walls
consistently
and so rarely entering
the park five minutes away

and before that,
Wisconsin,
with its approximate
two days of spring
(slightly more if you count
‘muddy’
as the season)
and half the time
snow would hit
full force
months after
we thought
spring was finally upon us
(and the next day
the blistering heat
of a midwest summer)

but here
in our own yard
we’ve seen the green
pop up from the ground
and even the days were a little snow
sprinkled the earth
the buds didn’t give up
they kept up
popped out
now, not just green,
we have purple, yellow, white,
black bumble bees buzzing
(a veritable enby flag of a backyard)

and we’ve eaten breakfasts,
had coffee,
made calls,
read,
worked,
watched,
on a deck that overlooks it all

and we breathe it in
slowing down
soaking it up
like the sun

A Bronx Spring.

March 19, 2022

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writing about bagels
and reading about bagels,
reading about reviewing bagels
and writing about bagels once more

all thew while making/eating/pondering
bagels

it’s been a very bagel-y couple of days

[but when is it not
in New York City?]

January 24, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

we are now
well into
the third year
of living in new york city
and though i’m not where i thought i’d be,
the whole world isn’t where it thought it’d be
either.

the pandemic has really taken the onus
off my own head
for what i wanted to accomplish
when i got here,
and redirected my aims
not lower
just sideways-er,
from theatre/circus/maybe film
to voiceover/film/maybe circus
(and a little activism in there
because how could you not be
when looking at
this world)
and theatre…?
who knows what will happen
within this third year
(within these next few months/weeks/days)
but i do know that
governmental policies (or lack thereof) really left the public
out in the cold
at the very beginning
of this whole ordeal
and haven’t been able to rectify
that harm
(nor have i seen much in the way of trying)
and i shouldn’t have expected any better
but man
do i want
to trust
that people
will do the right things,
but power seems to corrupt
even the
best of us…

but
i was talking about
living in new york city
and my life here
(or lack thereof)
and all i have to say is,
though i don’t think i ever really got
the ‘true’
living in nyc experience,
i still suspect
i couldn’t live
anywhere
else.