i thought i was busy
before working
five jobs
[six if you split up
the two i’m doing for this show]
and while the theatre gig is taking up
so much more of my time
than all the others
combined
it is the place i feel
most at home
and like i kinda know
what i’m doing
and i’m trying to listen
when my own guts
and the universe
say something
the pull to listen to
my high-school-age sound-track
is so damn strong
helping to direct a play
set in 2003
in two boys’ high school careers
and high school emotions
and high school coming-outs
[comings-out?]
it reminds me so highly
of my own story in
2006
the first love
[though mine did not last]
[thank goodness]
the self-hatred and
fear of the world
as you find your own footing
in your own community
[though my church was not a christian one]
even as that shifts to a different community
perhaps a community
of two
“we’re keeping it alive”
“what?”
“each other”
is one of the truest moments
i’ve ever heard on the page
and i hope it still rings so true
to a public audience
on the stage
fascinating
to be so devoted
to encouraging folks
to join the circus
because, for me, circus means
a place where our human bodies
are the art — they become the
strength and ability we never thought we’d have
the magic of human feats
and humanity
is how i see
the circus
but i know
that’s aerial circus
modern cirque, if you will
traditional circus
[though i do love the music and the costumes and the vibe]
has a horrible history
of exploiting animals
[and people, honestly]
in troubling conditions
[to say the least]
and the word “circus”
to an elephant
may be
complete
and utter
trauma
i didn’t think i would,
but i
felt *something*
while observing
curtain call
at that broadway theater
yesterday afternoon.
a little something
was the show itself—
pushing boundaries,
addressing hard topics,
calling in and calling out.
but another something
was simply seeing
human beings
on a stage
in front of hundreds/thousands—
a crowd
here to see
all Black faces and voices
and it being my
(technically accidental)
return
to seeing
live theatre…
auspicious?
inspiring?
fortuitous?
serendipity…
perhaps broadway is changing for the better?
—but—
while those feelings are definitely in there,
i think there was something else,
something additional…
a giant sense of
‘i didn’t let myself miss this
until right now’
i’ve missed the theater itself
physically
psychologically,
conceptually,
and i’ve missed performing on stage,
of course,
that’s in my blood—
but something in me missed
the actual
going to see
a good show
i didn’t know that about myself
until just now
and i’ll keep it
close
to my heart
kipventures 