another adventure
another setting out
this time for something
not quite as happy
but hopefully fulfilling
and connecting
and kind.

~~~

there are studies
that show
the earlier you deal with death
the better
(or so much worse)
you are at handling any death
as an adult.

i solidly fall into the second category,
my brain short circuiting whenever death is present
whenever someone is grieving
my go-to comfort is
to leave them alone.

but when you’re not a pre-teen
figuring out exactly what you need,
most folks would opt for connection
for a few words of comfort
not alone time.

so
after months of watching back episodes of
“Ask a Mortician”
and
reading her books
and
listening to her podcast
i’ve figured out a better way of dealing with death:

i ask the grieving person
what their favorite memory is of their loved one.
i specify they don’t have to share with me,
(but i’d be happy to hear if they choose),
but to simply think of their favorite memory.

i’ve only had two opportunities to use it so far,
but both felt connective,
kind,
and i felt useful
(all i really want to feel anyway)

so,
anyone grieving,
(or having gone through grief),
what’s your favorite memory of that person?

~~~

our dog
staring at her food
for minutes upon minutes
as if she’s having an existential crisis

(what a way for the universe to show us she belongs with us)