pondering
teaching
directing
improvising
trying new things
[and not too new new things]
and still
maybe
sewing
and writing
and reading
and playing
and flying
and learning
and living
learning
June 14, 2025
the congratulations
about speaking up
against racist microaggressions
is not “you did it, what a good ally you are!”
it’s “you said more than you would have in the past,
and the world didn’t end
and you didn’t get in a shouting match
nor were you physically assaulted,
so maybe, next time, you can say two things”
because
the bad feelings after the interaction
were not “you said something, and something went wrong”
it’s “you regret not saying more”
and perhaps, after that, you now have the tools
to say more
in the future
[and for any white folks out there
looking to get “dreads”,
just know that locs or dreadlocks are the actual terms
and they are not a hairstyle for you.
period.]
January 25, 2025
hungry
for breakfast
day
for justice
and peace
hungry
for whatever’s
just out of reach
hungry
starving
yearning
wanting
learning
that sometimes
the hunger makes the stomach work
harder
but not better
rather
worse
than how it was left
before
before
February 21, 2023
the concept of community scares me
and i know the ancestors of this land
would balk
at that self-assessment
but i bet white supremacy would smile
feeling/being only beholden to oneself
makes for
either
one great bootstraps story
or
one of many that the upper-crust doesn’t have to deal with
other than as
stepping stones
but i was born and raised in this society
that values individuality above all else
and insists that, even within social standing
that place is precarious at best
(imagine entire books/movies/tv episodes
about a whole friend group
turning against you
for no reason other than
they can)
so to be solidly a part of a posse
you should be the one holding
all the power
that isn’t sustainable
that isn’t healthy
that isn’t the way humanity should be
but
i’ve lived it
multiple times
so please, caretakers of turtle island
i feel whispering in my flailing mind
from time to time,
forgive me as i resist the concept of community
and rely on only myself
and my spouse
for literally everything–
i’m only doing what i was taught
for the first 30 or so years of my life
and experienced from others
taught the same way…
my heart is vulnerable
but quite willing
to learn
November 24, 2022
can one have growing pains
in one’s own brain?
the body eventually stops–
no more taller,
(maybe a bit wider,)
eventually the opposite:
shortening,
giving in to gravity,
what we do daily
affecting us
forever
but our minds
constantly
shift/
change/
adapt/
it’s not as easy
to pick things up,
but it is still possible.
so as we grow
into this new version
of our brain,
is that where headaches come from?
is that why i need more sleep than usual?
i wish i had
something
akin
to a wall measurement
to see the invisible
expanding…
June 23, 2021
another adventure
another setting out
this time for something
not quite as happy
but hopefully fulfilling
and connecting
and kind.
~~~
there are studies
that show
the earlier you deal with death
the better
(or so much worse)
you are at handling any death
as an adult.
i solidly fall into the second category,
my brain short circuiting whenever death is present
whenever someone is grieving
my go-to comfort is
to leave them alone.
but when you’re not a pre-teen
figuring out exactly what you need,
most folks would opt for connection
for a few words of comfort
not alone time.
so
after months of watching back episodes of
“Ask a Mortician”
and
reading her books
and
listening to her podcast
i’ve figured out a better way of dealing with death:
i ask the grieving person
what their favorite memory is of their loved one.
i specify they don’t have to share with me,
(but i’d be happy to hear if they choose),
but to simply think of their favorite memory.
i’ve only had two opportunities to use it so far,
but both felt connective,
kind,
and i felt useful
(all i really want to feel anyway)
so,
anyone grieving,
(or having gone through grief),
what’s your favorite memory of that person?
~~~
our dog
staring at her food
for minutes upon minutes
as if she’s having an existential crisis
(what a way for the universe to show us she belongs with us)