March 16, 2024

dance, for me, was never a release
or an expression of self
[at least before i found circus]

it was always what my body was doing “wrong”
what i needed to “fix” in movement
or appearance
it was so much about “looking”
rather than being
and living

but i’ve been working as a paid backup dancer
for a few months now,
and, granted, this isn’t the most professional
or well-funded endeavor
i’ve ever
been on
or seen,

but

it’s given me
such a whole new perspective
on how healing
and expressive
and giving
dance can actually be
[even though i’m still so critique-y
when i see
what my body does
naturally…

i suppose we all have
something
to work on —
whether it’s flexibility
or a better turn-out
or our own perceptions of self —
we can always be better
and
we can always be kinder
even to ourselves]

July 22, 2022

i felt so motivated yesterday
(and the day before that)
and i know i did some of the things
on the to-do list,
but i did much less than
i originally
expected

and i need to be ok with that
i need to be ok with that
i need to remind myself that
i need to be ok with that

because otherwise
i’m just capitalism’s
newest victim

and fuck capitalism

~~~

fly
spy
in the sky

i wonder why
you need to fly
around our home and spy
on us

~~~

this
cotton
candy
coffee
is the silliest thing i’ve ever tasted
and it just makes me
smile
smile
smile

~~~

how do i absorb
the lessons i’ve learned
in trying to help others?

i.e. the advice i’ve given,
can i/will i ever
take it myself?

is there ever
a magical wand for
turning kindness inward?

~~~

the poems today
aren’t turning out great,
but they’re not bad, either,
they’re just there
and that’s all they need to be
at this moment
in
time

~~~

do you ever feel
so tired
and yet so hyped up
that you feel like
if you followed your energy
you’d vibrate until
your skin just kind of
shucked itself off of your bones?

…nah, me neither

July 10, 2022

they say
not to judge
because you never know
what someone
might be going through

but i’d adjust that
ever so slightly
to say
don’t judge someone
because you never know what someone
might be going
or still be going
through

because
there may be some
who
if you know their current life
well
they could bee going through
a whole ton
of good
but still
their mind is trying
to make sense
of a hardship
that happened
years and years before;
whether because
childhood trauma tends to stunt
the receiver
at that age
until healing can fully
occur,
or because they may have gone through
a whole ton of shit
at once
and they needed to only unpack
one traumatic suitcase
at a time
so now’s the time
to look into
not only what happened
so long ago
but also what holding on to it
for so long
made them feel,
or maybe they simply have never gotten
the help
(professional or otherwise)
they needed
to get through that thing.

so i suppose what i’m trying to say
is don’t judge other people.

that being said,
i offer love and compassion
to a point–
i don’t really care how many traumas you
were exposed to
at whatever age,
if you start taking your rage
out on folks
who have less than you,
who your power holds
a tight strangle-hold over,
and you don’t offer them
the compassion i’m offering you,
that offer is rescinded.
and keep your damn legislation
off of the backs
of Black,
Indigenous
folks,
people of color,
especially those who you deem ‘lesser than’
because they can
create life inside,
and especially
especially
get your laws away
from trans folks,
particularly trans children,
who are just trying to survive
in this life
that could be a joy
if you’d just let it.
and of course
maybe, just maybe, let us
have some healthy Earth
to give to future generations.