i’m so curious
if it’s a universal experience
to have a tiny internal voice
constantly telling you all the things
you’ve done wrong
or just are
that are wrong
day in and day out
and as one grows, it doesn’t go away
it simply is able to be drowned out a bit more
and a bit more
with the experiences and knowledge and
voices of loved ones
or if that’s only a universal experience
of those of us with depression and/or anxiety
thoughts?
ok
ok
yesterday and last night
were rough
were
depression
but this morning doesn’t feel nearly as
helpless
lifeless
hopeless
i hope it’ll stay that way;
i feel on a razor’s edge
and either side of me is
despair
[but hey, i’ve been taking tightwire classes, so
i should be better both physically and metaphorically
at balancing
here]
hold your breath
count to ten
and count to ten
again
breathing reminds you
you’re still alive
though you’ve spent your whole life
dying
to die
compose yourself
expose your insides
for art
for payment
for friendship
for funzies
for a dare
to anyone out there
who may feel the same way
[though it’s so lonely
in one’s own mind
it’s impossible to imagine
finding company]
wander around
while catatonic to the ground
and know
it’s all in your head
[which is somehow supposed to make it
easier]
[what do they know]
i’m hitting a wall
with mood and motivation
where, when one interest finally finds investment from me,
all the others
fall
[and i think i may need them
all
to be truly happy]
kipventures 