a poem
to center
not distract
a poem
to wake up
not relax
a poem
to get the brain
the body
the mind
the soul
going
a poem
to bring me into
this world
this day
this moment of time
into
maybe even
myself
a poem.
in the moment
April 7, 2025
i’m writing so much
but i have so little to show for it
for it’s all poem-to-do-lists
and commentary on previous writing
and ideas for future writing
and i would like to stick to today
from this moment on, okay?
November 9, 2024
we get through
not just day by day
but moment by moment
knowing not only
that each moment passes
but also
each moment
is its own universe entirely
moments hold multitudes
April 10, 2024
i feel like i have
whatever’s opposite of taking things
for granted
like i hold things as too precious
so as to prepare myself for the day
they are gone
[neither of these approaches
really help with
living in the moment though]
January 7, 2024
math jazz
leaves your mind
expecting
exactly
what it
isn’t
~~~
i’ve written so much
of
nothing this morning
and
i can’t seem to stop
nor
do i feel satisfied with anything i’ve done
so
i guess i’ll keep writing and writing and writing
until
i feel some sort of closer closure, somewhere.
~~~
do i not want to review my older works because i think they’ll be worse,
or do i not want to delve deep because i know myself and my tendency
to get all wrapped up, bundled in the blanket of the past, wondering
what if what if what if, until i find myself unable to experience the
presence of the
present
moment
?
August 22, 2022
i am often obsessed
with the temporary temporality of things
having seen what i thought to be permanent
snatched from me in less than a moment
while my eyes were blinking
while i turned away…
i’ve heard a great calmness can come
from seeing where you are
in the “grand scheme” of the universe
and admitting to
the smallness of self.
but for me, it was always about control—
the bigger the universe,
the harder it would be to put my mark on it
and i’ve always admitted to expecting from myself
the impossible.
but just now
i saw my two anxieties
come together in a release:
this home we love
and fill with stuff that does spark joy
is temporary
and someday it will be gone
and our sun will explode
and this planet will become nothingness once more
so it doesn’t really matter
if we put a bunch of mismatched plants around our windows
to give ourselves some tiny fraction of dopamine,
it doesn’t matter if we have
the cleanest house or
the perfect background for tiktoks or not;
whatever brings us joy
in this moment
is all that matters
because it could be gone—
it will be gone eventually—
so this moment
is all that matters
this moment
is all that matters
whatever makes us happy
and enjoy this planet
in this moment
is all that matters
(and if we leave the planet
a little better
a little more sustainable
a little bit happier
for the generations to come,
not only will that give to others,
it will also set
our souls
at ease
far more than the stress of
being a household name
or keeping everything given
or being perfect in anything at all
would
in this moment
in future moments
in any moment.)
June 22, 2022
chasing that feeling
of being in the moment
when the moment is all
made up
a tale of an actor coming out of dissociation
September 7, 2021
find things to write
in the mundane
it’s in the big ideas
that get you overwhelmed,
you question word-choice
you panic about phrasing
your anxiety gets entirely in your way
to convey
the fullness of the subject matter
with delicate balance
between
accuracy
and
kind capacity
no matter the big subject
but you thrive in the little things
a whole sonnet about a cup of coffee
an ode to names and nicknames
silly little poems
ones that your spouse enjoys the most
ones that get the most “likes”
but i know you
(i mean, technically, i am you,
that is the whole point of this silly little poem,
i’m talking to myself
simply using the tactic of calling me ‘you’
so maybe, when i re-read it, it’ll feel like someone else is talking to me)
but, i know you,
i know that you contemplate the big subjects
you’re drawn to them
you can’t help but think of them
in fits and starts poetically
but also
the more i learn about mortality
the more i realize
there will never be a “perfect opportunity”
a day when all the stars align
and you’ll be able to churn out that “big poem”
in all the right words
and all the right phrasings,
but also,
there is something to say for practice
and following the dopamine
and writing what feels right in that moment,
so maybe that’s why
instead of writing about a big thing
or writing of the mundane
again today,
i’ve thought to write a letter
in poem form
to let you know
it’s ok
to write
what you’re feeling
in the moment…
(isn’t that the goal,
the whole ‘in the moment’ living?
right?)
August 8, 2021
finding the perfect music station
is an art
(one i’m not nearly as familiar with
as my spouse)
and so when i’m doing my morning pages/poems
without them
(because sleep is a necessity)
and have to find some morning tunes
on my own
i never land on
what i initially think i’ll land on…
at least there’s coffee.
~~~
so hungry
but i’m not used to eating while writing
i eat and suddenly i want
passive entertainment
it seems this old dog needs to learn a couple new tricks
~~~
if i leave
and come back
will i keep the thread of morning poetry?
~~~
fed,
caffeinated,
[not yet watered],
and i feel so much better able to
really get into these here morning page poems
is this what i *should* be doing each morning?
instead of simply sipping coffee
and waiting until after i write to eat my breakfast?
or is this simply a daily thing
that changes around
and adjusts
as my own outlook
and mood
and level of tiredness
adjusts
day
by
day
by
day
?
~~~
i mean, if i’m going to be writing a million small poems
(and by a million, let’s be honest and say probably six)
might as well just
truly
go for it.
~~~
the nerves are starting to settle in
about class later on today
(this is why i enjoyed having a circus class prior to acting class
yes, i never got to nap,
but i also never spent half the day worrying about/obsessing over my performance)
i like how our teacher sets up the class
you perform, and then she asks what goals you had for that particular scene or monologue
and this week i’m simply hoping to continue the work
that suddenly broke free two weeks ago.
i want to breathe into the monologue,
i want to be in the moment,
and i want to use my own self-loathing
to create art
instead of beating myself down all the time.
and yes, the ultimate goal is health
and possibly, someday, not constantly feeling like the most worthless hunk of flesh on the planet,
but while that’s what it’s like in my brain,
might as well be honest
and use it to connect with this character i’ve been [not so secretly] wanting to play for ages,
and maybe if i can connect while i’m in the throes of
not-so-great mental health
maybe that means i can find my way in
when i am in a healthier mental state
remember the physical sensations
without being too harsh…
maybe?
but today isn’t about how to get there down the road
that’s not the goal today;
it’s to be in the present
to breathe into the moment
to know that i have all this inside me
and relax
and trust
and simply let myself shine through.
July 28, 2021
i’d like
for my poetry
(and my acting, similarly,)
to open up the secret parts of me,
those parts that no one [sometimes not even me] sees
and bring honesty and truth and a dash of the full, elaborate
condition
of humanity
out into the forefront of all our minds
but i find
that i hide behind
humor
and perfectionism
and overthinking
and intellectualism
(but aren’t those a part of me, too?)
how can i find the true me
if it takes a bomb to push through?
that day
in class
when i accessed
what i’ve been trying to for so long,
it wasn’t a push or a force or a bomb
it was a steady ease into the presentness of my body
my mind felt connected,
continually,
for the first time in (give or take) an eternity
so maybe that should be my aim
the gentle
allowance
of self
into my poetry
but how to do that?
[breathe?]
kipventures 