what’s it like
to know what you want
day to day?
week to week?
year to year?
life to life?
[i wonder
and ponder
my own life through)

or

what’s it like
to see so few choices
that the choice seems
obvious
to you?

decision paralysis
is a subject
i’ve written abut before
(and thought/think about
damn near daily)
and yet
the subject
never seems
‘done’
to me.

(but maybe
it’s a combination
of regular decision paralysis
and the big choices i’m stuck on
that bleed into the littler ones:
my indecision
about my own career
(minus the big reasons i’ve chosen acting,
which is also a way to feed the paralysis;
acting has in it
the opportunity
to be
every career
with
every character),
but within that big choice
i get stuck on
what i want to wear
day to day
or what music
i’d like
to listen to…
but/because there are other things
i know
i like
and want:
i love all animals,
and rainbow is my favorite color,
and kindness i hold above all,
and coffee is the best drink (besides water),
i’m always in the mood for
bagels, indian food, or ice cream,
and i know i need balance in my day-to-day choices:
too much of socialization
will lead to needing a lot of alone time to re-charge,
and similarly,
too much solitary time on my own
and i begin to fall apart)

so, what is the conclusion,
or even the thesis,
of this poem?

is it simply that i can continue to be freaked out
by decisions
and the paralyses they induce,
but i should also admit
the duality
of the human spirit
and that i know what i want
far more than my paralysis shows?

or is it simply
to make a strong choice
and stick with it
(the lessons learned in improv class
so long ago)?