i wish i could just
relax into knowing
i know something
but instead the anxiety decides
to show up right at that moment
and “release” me from feeling
good about
anything
and instead
i feel
stupid/foolish/in over my head/a fraud
a straight up, full on imposter
how will i ever feel
like i’ve achieved
anything
if this is what my brain chemistry
does to me
every
single
time?
if i had a tiktok presence
if i wasn’t afraid of the internet
if this was just after
acofaf had come out
i would absolutely do
that audition scene
playing all the
parts
but i don’t
and i am
and it came out so long ago
and i suppose i could do it
for me
and for anyone
who may need a little reminder about that
glorious piece of genius that is
dimension 20 presents
a court of fey and flowers
[but i don’t know of anyone
aside from us
who uses it as our comfort watch]
[i could take a stab though…]
[i’m so scared still…]
[maybe
a little
later]
counteract imposter syndrome
with delusions of grandeur
battle bouts of depression
with moments of absolute elation
fight against the tyranny of a fascist oligarchy
with anarchical acts of neighborly compassion
if your ‘natural state’ is one strong thing
make sure to balance it with
a little bit of its opposite
[if you can’t make yourself mellow,
at least average it out to
even-keel-ness]
nothing like reading
other people’s poems
to make me feel like
a fraud
a fake poet made out of
three tiny actors
in a trenchcoat
a fake poet made of
a whole slew of fake mustaches
attached to fake noses
and prescriptionless plastic glasses
a fake poet made of
a whole buncha prose
lined up
in shorter
stanzas
a fake poet made out of
experiences
pondered
[but maybe
that’s all a
poet needs to be]
do you ever find
imposter syndrome
just from living
from being
alive
?
[i do]
kipventures 