i tried so hard to keep up with the news
and the world
i really did

and it impacted my mental health
so hard
i could hardly stand it

it was like i had leapt off a pier
and dove headfirst into the
first bad mood my body could find

and i know i should be more aware of the world around me
i know this
i do
but sometimes
sometimes
i think my reason for being here
is to have the impact of utter kindness,
and i don’t know if i can do that
if i know how cruel the world really is

i already know
logically

i already know
hypothetically

but if i avoid knowing the real reality

perhaps i can be kind to someone
who might have been mean to me
and perhaps change their brain chemistry
for the better
[but if i knew to avoid
their face/their clothes/their demeanor
would that not increase the division between us?]

[or is it only my people
my kinds of folks
who need my kindness
now?]

[i honestly don’t know…]