almost done
with the worst month

(though, to be fair, i have learned to admire parts of
february:
i get to learn so much about Black/African American culture and history,
i get to find folks who i admire
and they readily send out their paypals
and venmos
and cashapps
so i can compensate them for their education,
give my tiny portion of reparations,
i find lists of lists of artists/stores/crafters/everything
to use not only this month
but for birthdays
and holidays
and no-reason-needed gift-buying,
the amount of color coming across my screen
in february
is truly gorgeous
and i make sure to like for the algorithm
and follow for my own list
so it can stay that way
year ‘round.)

(the only other part of february
i truly enjoy
is that it is so close to the new year
that everything still feels pretty possible;
the resolutions not dropped
seem so much closer to becoming
reality
but there’s still time,
being only month two,
to re-start any failed habits
(or pick up ones that weren’t obvious
on 1/1)
)

otherwise,
worst month.
cold.
bleak.
not nearly as exciting as january
about it being a new year.
the days and dates the same as march
so my maybe-adhd/maybe-dyslexic/maybe-something-else brain
continues to suffer
the past experiences
of switched months,
the embarrassment
and shame
and confusion as i carefully read the month
but still end up wrong.
and you may think that the shortness of it,
the 28 days as opposed to 30+
would be a relief,
but that is
far
from the case:
i had so much i wanted to accomplish
this month
and now i’m running out of february days
in which to accomplish it;
normally the 27th would indicate a close to the end
but you still have time
dates
days
to next month,
but no,
tomorrow is the last day
to accomplish
anything
great
in february

so fuck february
thank goodness it’s almost over
but also
why did it go by so fast?