August 28, 2026

of course it’s when avoiding one thing
that i’m finally in the mood to do
another long avoided task

is that human nature?

is that the trauma?

is that maybehd?

could it be
all three?

August 10, 2026

i spend so much of my time
and mental energy
avoiding doing anything expected
anything cliché
anything too human-made

which is so incredibly silly
because i, myself, am human-made

July 30, 2026

i still have a tendency to downplay things i’m excited about
to not get fully
actually
excited about them
because what if something happens
and i’m no longer able to do the thing
i was so damn
excited about?

the roller coaster of emotions
from so stoked
to so damn devastated
is one i’ve experienced
more times than i’d care to have experienced

it is an emotional roller coaster
that i do not
want to ride
ever again

but
isn’t part of living
experiencing emotions?
the good and bad and devastating
the excitement and disappointment
and even boredom
are all part of the human experience

and isn’t that all i’ve ever longed for:

an experience and an understanding
of being
human?

July 23, 2026

avoiding things
and having them be
easy

doing things right way
and seeing they are
hard

how long till it balances out?

how long till everything is even-keeled?

how long till i actually understand myself and humanity in general?

[i think i may be out of luck in that respect…]

January 17, 2026

distract yourself with crimson glaze
with pink chiffon
with aesthetics and
art

[is art a distraction?
or is it a human need?]

[or is distraction itself
sometimes
a need?]

[i don’t know
i don’t know
i try to speak for
the entirety of the human race
but so few of them make any sense
to my own senses
that i’m simply trying to
live life
i’m simply trying to
continue to
want to live life
keep life
going
i’m simply trying to
try
sometimes
not even all the time
just
sometimes
sometimes sometimes
sometimes be my own human self
sometimes try to speak for
those in the human race that today’s humanity
seems to leave behind
sometimes try to
connect with others
in a way that
raises both parties up
from one level of existence
to another
greater
kinder
more enlightened
not to be better than others
but to carry everyone
with us — if i share enlightenment with three people
and each of them share with
three more
how long until we have all of humanity
together
and looking out for
each other?]

this rambling poem
is to say
as much as i feel like i
will never understand the
rest of the human race, i keep making art
for them for them for them
for the connection to get to know them
and have them know me

i can’t help it

that’s part of living as/with
humanity

November 9, 2025

the everyday tasks
of being alive

[why is feeding one’s body so much more important
in our society
than feeding one’s soul?]

impart my own passions to me
and i’ll show you how cheap food can taste
when it is only for the nourishment
of keeping oneself alive

[i, along with every human deep down, wish more to

Thrive]

October 4, 2025

half asleep
half awake
half in love with
half the people
here on half this earth
[though i love the whole planet
like i can’t get away from
my own desires, crying when i see
a single beam of sun
encroach over the horizon
of a view i’ve never seen in real life/
or simply the leaves of trees
i always see
but rarely really
look at
on my daily commute
using human infrastructure
and human pathways
to get to human-created endeavors
and human-built buildings
but right here
are magics
we could never
ever
ever begin to
develop on our own
without the pathways led to us
for us
from the
earth]

every
single thing
on this planet
is so fucking special
i cannot
cannot
get over it

[this could include
humans
and humanity…

does it?]

September 28, 2025

i’ve ignored the outside
for too long
for not long enough

it’s still impacting me
it’s still making its way inside

what’s wrong with living a life
pretending
all of humanity
is actually
kind?

[can “fake it till you make it”
apply to expectations
of others?]

September 19, 2025

waking moments
still stuck in dreams
trying to keep track of
what is reality
and what might not be

and what makes sense to me
is that there is not any one solid answer

it’s all just chemical reactions and brain synapses
trying to make sense of a world that just
doesn’t