October 16, 2026

i did a thing
and i’m hesitant to say i did well
and that i’m good at it
because i still have two more evenings
but i suppose i can treat those two evenings
like i treated yesterday
and look at them as though this is all
a learning opportunity

i mean, that’s kind of what life itself is, isn’t it?
just one giant learning opportunity:
learning how to be a human
learning how to interact with others
learning what you love and what you don’t
learning how to say goodbye
learning how to live
learning how to learn

maybe?

August 10, 2026

i spend so much of my time
and mental energy
avoiding doing anything expected
anything cliché
anything too human-made

which is so incredibly silly
because i, myself, am human-made

July 30, 2026

i still have a tendency to downplay things i’m excited about
to not get fully
actually
excited about them
because what if something happens
and i’m no longer able to do the thing
i was so damn
excited about?

the roller coaster of emotions
from so stoked
to so damn devastated
is one i’ve experienced
more times than i’d care to have experienced

it is an emotional roller coaster
that i do not
want to ride
ever again

but
isn’t part of living
experiencing emotions?
the good and bad and devastating
the excitement and disappointment
and even boredom
are all part of the human experience

and isn’t that all i’ve ever longed for:

an experience and an understanding
of being
human?

July 23, 2026

avoiding things
and having them be
easy

doing things right way
and seeing they are
hard

how long till it balances out?

how long till everything is even-keeled?

how long till i actually understand myself and humanity in general?

[i think i may be out of luck in that respect…]

January 17, 2026

distract yourself with crimson glaze
with pink chiffon
with aesthetics and
art

[is art a distraction?
or is it a human need?]

[or is distraction itself
sometimes
a need?]

[i don’t know
i don’t know
i try to speak for
the entirety of the human race
but so few of them make any sense
to my own senses
that i’m simply trying to
live life
i’m simply trying to
continue to
want to live life
keep life
going
i’m simply trying to
try
sometimes
not even all the time
just
sometimes
sometimes sometimes
sometimes be my own human self
sometimes try to speak for
those in the human race that today’s humanity
seems to leave behind
sometimes try to
connect with others
in a way that
raises both parties up
from one level of existence
to another
greater
kinder
more enlightened
not to be better than others
but to carry everyone
with us — if i share enlightenment with three people
and each of them share with
three more
how long until we have all of humanity
together
and looking out for
each other?]

this rambling poem
is to say
as much as i feel like i
will never understand the
rest of the human race, i keep making art
for them for them for them
for the connection to get to know them
and have them know me

i can’t help it

that’s part of living as/with
humanity

August 24, 2025

write what you know
and then write it a little farther away
using metaphor
or simile
or narrative tactics
that make it seem
like it may not be about your life
at least not completely
but we all know
we all know
every writer carries hundreds
if not thousands
if not millions or billions or trillions of
selves
with them at all times

[or is that just every human
as we live and grow and change and morph
into each of our
many
many
many
final forms]