it’s already
march
but january and february seemed to take
forever
will the rest of this year
fly
by
or will it stretch and strain
as our cheeto in chief
brags about wars
and killing
whomever he pleases
i know i know i know
in just a few years
this will all have seemed
like it happened in the blink of an eye
but living in it
is dunking one’s head in molasses
and expecting
to blink
and breathe
and see
normally
spending so much time
on stardew valley
because
sometimes
you just need that oomf
to get you through
a day/week/fascist government
i’m terrified
of everything
i’m terrified of living life
but i’m so terrified
of not
i’m scared of the united states government
but i’m scared of moving to something
new
i’m afraid of imperfection
but i’m always sabotaging myself
when i come even partially close
to something close
to perfection
if someone were to meet me
they’d never know that i feel
my whole life is run by
fear
but damn
i’m so scared
all of the time
and i will avoid so many things
just to avoid that feeling
[though it follows me
everywhere]
but sometimes i do things
even when i’m utterly
terrified
and they say that’s bravery
so i suppose that’s kinda cool…
the morality
against ai
or for
the one company
willing to refuse
to bend to pressure
from our fascist fucked-up government
[the condolence we have
is
we give money to support
their stance, and
if they end up bending
we can just
cancel
and give it up
and be curmudgeons all over again]
perhaps we’re living on the edge
perhaps the space age is actually coming
and the future will be so much brighter
than this tragic darkness we’re currently enduring
and our art will be the stuff of legends
of how we got out from under
fascist strong arms
and authoritarian ties
and everything will turn out
alright
in the end
i’m hopeful
but not expectful
because i know how these “governments” work
and we are facing a long
long
long
long
long trek ahead
[even a flashy fast apocalypse
would be welcomed more
than this slow descending trend
towards the end]
but as much as i see each moment
as if it’ll be viewed in history
i do not have the foresight of the future
i cannot know exactly what direction we’re taking
until it’s already been
taken
so i’ll simply say this:
continue fighting
whether the end is in sight
or not — perhaps your words will inspire
the next artist
to write
and on and on we inspire
and write
and fight
until the light actually
comes blazing
through.
one year ago i was so apprehensive
of the impending twenty twenty five
i wept the day of the eve
fearing the worst
not even letting myself hope for the best,
the best i could hope for
was survival
and i did survive this horrid year
[and had some lovely adventures
within it]
but i can’t close out this year without acknowledging
the lives lost
and livelihoods/health/sanity thrown away
due to the ultimate greed of
just a few
just a few
who make decisions
for the many
the many who
they don’t even care about
ceos
and presidents
and random fuckbags who like to set social media sites
on fire
for fun
should not have the choke-hold they do
on our society
and while i can complain
and condemn
i do not want to be like them
so instead i’ll say:
human beings matter
and deserve fair treatment
from the immigrant
to the trans child
to any person with darker skin than the congressional average —
being white
or male
or christian
or rich
or cis
does not make anyone better or more adept to make decisions for the rest;
for human beings contain multitudes
and each human knows what’s best for themselves
but not
for others
and i truly believe
if left to our own devices
and to our own community-based natures
we’d err on the side of righteousness
and kindness
so, even though twenty twenty six
may be filled with the same
cult leaders
and snake oil salesmen
and fearmongers
and dictators,
let us band together
in our local communities
to show each other
we care
[and we have the power
to say no
to white supremacist
racist
transphobic
bigoted
propaganda
disguised as
nationalistic
“history”
we can know
our own
true history
and we can work together
to make the future
so much better
than any of these old
unimaginative
dinosaurs
know what to do with]
[here’s to a wonderful
and kind
and free
2026]
constantly feeling on a precipice
of the world burning
of my own superstardom
of our own government disintegrating
of my writing something inviting and entrancing
to my own
senses
but i think,
at least for my own cliffs’ edges,
i cannot wait for the feeling of falling —
i need to just
jump
the morning poetry
still in the morning
still in the morning
as my father waters all his plants
and as the puppy gets into trouble
in the kitchen
the kitchen of my childhood
which only looks half like it did
in my childhood
and i have already scoped through the dozens
perhaps hundreds
of articles of clothing i still have in this house
to see if anything
still slaps
and now my father is done with the plants
and is playing with the puppy
like he had promised her
and i can see into the dining room
as they play
and play and play
and i think it’s
almost
as good as me bringing him
a grandchild
to play with
[maybe
maybe
maybe when our country
isn’t trying to literally kill
anyone who isn’t a
cis
straight
white
upper class
christian
man
maybe then
we’ll bring him one]
we’re getting closer
and closer
and closer
to spooky time
and i cannot help but feel
this halloween season is a little
lackluster—perhaps what with the being busy
perhaps with the fact that the administration is doing
far scarier things than the imaginary haunts and ghouls
ever could [a human monster is always so much worse], but
i wish i could enjoy october in the way i usually do…
but i simply don’t think that’s in the cards right now
and, honestly, that’s ok
another night
of waking up at 1/2/3/4 in the morning
to stress
to discomfort
to the panic at the state of the world
and the state of my mind
and this would all be fine
if i could just
fall back
to sleep
like i so recently used to
but apparently i’m back to
high school
college
teenage
early 20’s hj
where i struggle to fall asleep
and i struggle to stay asleep
and every moment i wish i was asleep
i panic about not getting enough sleep
and everything
always feels
so much
worse
in the nighttime
i considered waking kip up
to talk with them
hold them
have them hold me
to see
if having someone right there with me
would be any help at all
and i think, if i had panicked myself any harder
any more
any longer
i might have
but somehow
i finally
fell back
to sleep
how did i survive damn near a decade
like this???
[i was miserable the whole time
that’s how]
[i don’t want to be that miserable
again]
kipventures 