hobbies

January 18, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i want to hypnotize myself
into actually trying
full out
when i want something

rather than shooting myself in the foot/
ripping the rug right out from under me/
doing other things to ruin my chances

because…why?

because i somehow still believe i don’t deserve good things?

because i’m scared to committing to one thing
and believe that means i’m cutting off options
for any other possibility in my potential life?

because i am still not convinced that all of this is really real?

those are all terrible reasons

and i still can’t convince myself
with my conscious/logic brain
to make my subconsciousness
stop destroying all my chances

[that’s why i need so many
non-pressurized hobbies —
because the minute they matter
i
implode
]

October 7, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i hope i never lose my fascination
with other people

my deep-hearted desire
to understand others,
to hear about their lives and endeavors,
even when i don’t understand them —

listening to info-dumps
and rants about favorite hobbies
or points of interest
or simply stories of personal past histories

i adore being invited into strangers’ lives
[even when the stranger is one
i’ve shared a life with — their pasts are still
unknown to me and my life,

and being invited in, no matter how distant
feels so intimate]

i write this from the perspective
of trying to tell my own father
about my life
and what’s important to me
and seeing/hearing/feeling him
get antsy from
not caring
if he can’t
understand
or relate

and it breaks
my heart

i never want to make anyone else feel like this way

i hope everyone feels invited
to share their passions
with me

even
/
especially
if i don’t “get it”

[i adore learning new things,
and connection
above all]

September 2, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

feeling disenchanted
with words

my drive to churn out
poetry
or prose
has been quelled by the concept of
more interpretative media

music?
painting?
cake decorating?
what will my next endeavor be?
[and will i still come back to poetry
every morning]

[i mean, i haven’t stopped in literal years,
so probably]

January 4, 2024

/ HJ / Leave a comment

maybe i just need a kick in the pants
a push in some direction
any direction
to just try some things out
let’s dabble in dancing
in aerial theatre
in embroidery/stained glass/poetry/story-writing/singing
i want to be performing
and i want to stay home and safe and comfy
and i want to be known
and i want to never be perceived
and i want to grow my talents
but i get so frustrated when i’m not immediately good at something
and i can’t help but think
that this is what life is
so if it’s what life is
then maybe i should just
enjoy the ride
that i’m on

June 14, 2023

/ HJ / Leave a comment

hide in my hoodie
disappear into decades-long fiction
find a new hobby
a fresh kind of hyper-focus
and learn all of that
instead of knowing anything else

(the rest of the world is overwhelming anyway
might as well find ways
to enjoy time
here)

June 3, 2023

/ HJ / Leave a comment

if only i could put all my hobbies
and helpfuls
into one basket of poetry—
the focus that comes from embroidery,
the loss of time and self
and feeling of fullness of art
of acting,
the power
and grace
of pulling one’s own body weight
up to an aerial apparatus
and seeing the whole room
spin
just this side of uncontrollably
around me,
and the expression
of my deepest most inner
mind
in a single poem
(or two)
(or three)

this is how you get to know me.