i often joke that
any chaotic,
multi-tonal,
polysymphonic
music
is what it is like in my head.
but
if i were to be honest with myself
and others
i’d have to say that my head,
when left to its own devices,
probably sounds more like static
with waves of frequencies coming in and out
and sometimes the station it catches
is crazy circus music
with too much going on
to hone in on one melody
or instrument
or vibe,
but sometimes
[most of the time]
my head is just catching
little phrases i heard throughout the day
or music from forever away
or a sentence i say
to make myself smaller
and more likeable
by everyone but myself

[what would even be the phrase
that would make me
love me?]