healing

September 21, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

as much as i joke
that i hate people

i really do
do a lot of things
to help out
people

and care
so hard
about people

and my life’s purpose seems to be
helping people
healing people
slowly
one by one
conversation by conversation
just making people feel
listened-to
and heard

i hate when other people don’t do what i do
don’t really truly listen

but then, if they all did
i’d have no purpose in this world
would i?

~~~

[but there are too many people
in this world
to heal

and too much to heal
in one conversation

why can’t people just
be
kind?]

~~~

the older i get
the less i look for
fame
and my name
in lights
and other goals i had myself convinced
i needed to make my time
here on this planet
count

those were always a means to an end

the end being healing

the end being feeling listened to

and i can do that better one on one
than with a large fan-base
anyway

so kindness is what i look for
and what i hope to leave
on this planet

i really do intend to leave it
better than i found it

and if that means taking each person i meet
and making them feel
important to me

then that’s good because
they are.

July 6, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

it’s seven o’clock
and i’m writing
and the wind is blowing
and my wrist has not yet started hurting [as much as it was yesterday]
and the birds are screaming
and the dog is observing
and the cat is nowhere to be seen

the tea is hot
the coffee is ice cold
and the water is the temperature of our old house’s old pipes
[so, in the summer, not quite as cool as we’d like]
[and in the winter far too cold]
but it’s a summer day
a summer morning
and the window is open
and the rain will be falling all day today
and i hope it feels like the planet is healing
so we, as a species, can maybe follow suit.

September 27, 2023

/ HJ / Leave a comment

find your home place
of bookish nerd
and weirdo theatre kid

don’t shy away from folks
who don’t see you
as the 9-year-old you are

but show them
instead
how to connect with their own inner child
they may have forgotten
or abandoned
long ago

July 13, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

chocolate for breakfast
not because it’s a special occasion
or any reason really
but because we are adults
and we get to make adult decisions
and because we are healing our inner children
so chocolate for breakfast
is sometimes what the healing child
needs.

March 13, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

internally
raw
worn
torn
injured
maybe bleeding

(maybe healing?)

~~~

i look at the the date
“happy manniversary!” i tell my kip
“i didn’t do anything…” they say, as their face falls
from their initial surprise-joy
“it’s ok” i say, hoping to turn the mood
from sadness
to a dark humor
that will also then
bring us down
again
to all that’s been:
“two years ago today
we were
~supposed~ to be seeing
Hadestown.”
we laugh
and sigh
and continue on inside
as the pandemic still goes on
(as much as folks pretend it isn’t
with lax guidelines
and ignoring science
and pleas from healthcare workers
falling
not on deaf ears
but on those that simply
wish not to hear)
outside.

~~~

my poetry this morning
seems to be coming from a different place
a place of allowing
the cacophony
and angst
to broil itself down
to the basics
of words
and feelings
and leaving
them all
on the page[screen]
[[[for once]]]

November 10, 2021

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…is that why i’m so disconnected from my body now?
because i spent so many years
either
starving it to thrive in that social climate
or feeling like my mind was too expansive
for a regular human body

(and do i still feel like that
if i dig down deep
and ask?)

October 28, 2021

/ HJ / Leave a comment

doing so much
yet feeling like i did
so little

doing things
is all fine and good
but when it comes time to talk to people…

healing takes a while
healing takes a long long time
healing is about more than just ‘feeling better’

August 23, 2021

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the highs
the lows
the devastation
the celebration
the joy
the sorrow
the feeling hapless and hopeless to ever find anything to fix this
and wanting to hold onto it, keep in it, feeling safe inside of it
and yet
(and yet)
knowing that finding healing will make my life better,
open doors i didn’t even know were there,
burst open a way to make beauty out of the anguish
(because, hasn’t that been the goal all along?
isn’t that why you[i] always [used to] say things like
‘i went through this
i can help you through this…’
putting forth all your[my] effort
to bring others up
when you[i] felt down?
why acting and poetry and art in general
are the aspiration
the hope
the dream that keeps you[me] around?
(well, that and spouse and cat and dog))

feel them
remember them
but understand them
and don’t think of them
as forever.

July 30, 2021

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when pondering
my overthinking
i can often track my issues back
a few layers

and then i get stuck.

“here’s where i am!”
i yell to the universe,
“i’ve figured myself out now,
can i fix myself next?”
they always say
“knowing is half the battle”
but i’ve known for ages.

but when i start to think critically,
instead of with absurd abundance,
i see some more layers underneath
the ones i’ve already detected,
and these are more fragile,
ticking time bombs,
connected to everything
inside my brain/body/spirit,
and this, i think to myself, may be the actual half
of knowing…

but i’m wary of this knowledge
so i’ll be careful,
tip-toe around it,
but at least i’m peaking in
instead of running away
and staying in the layer
that’s comfortable,
that makes sense,
that i feel there is some possibility for change

…this layer has the possibility for healing.

July 26, 2021

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[i may have talked about this before, but]
inspirations
affirmations
declarations
don’t really work for me

there is a huge gap between where i am now
(in the process of deconstructing decades of feeling completely worthless)
to the exact point of an affirmation
(“you are enough”)
or a positive reminder
(“be kinder to yourself”)

but through therapy
and tiktok
and queer acting class
i’ve learned that i can nudge myself away from the black and white thinking
and into the essence of these inspirations
through simple wording choices:

what if statements
(“what if i am enough”)
[look at that, too,
my example phrasing changed from a ‘you’ to an ‘i’
because it felt so much more accessible this way]
and similarly with permission instead of declaration
(“i am allowed to be kinder to myself”)

and no, it’s not fixing everything right away,
i didn’t find these work-arounds and immediately feel
completely
mentally
emotionally
healthy,
but it’s a way to start accessing that healing towards a health
that always felt so far away
why
even
try

[now i can try!]