November 24, 2022

can one have growing pains
in one’s own brain?

the body eventually stops–
no more taller,
(maybe a bit wider,)
eventually the opposite:
shortening,
giving in to gravity,
what we do daily
affecting us
forever

but our minds
constantly
shift/
change/
adapt/
it’s not as easy
to pick things up,
but it is still possible.

so as we grow
into this new version
of our brain,
is that where headaches come from?
is that why i need more sleep than usual?

i wish i had
something
akin
to a wall measurement
to see the invisible
expanding…

December 8, 2021

and there’s an ache
for slowing down
this time of year

not really a desire
but a halting
a sudden, unexplainable
working through molasses
everything seems to take twice the energy
and i have less than half of my usual

every winter i feel this way
the expectation to go into hibernation
and the feeling/knowing i won’t/can’t

(and yet, there’s a feeling of growing
of expanding
of changing
of being
but
i’ve felt that so much
how long have i spent inside this chrysalis
and how long do i have to decide
to come out
or stay
and if i stay
will i just
always
and forever
be
goo?)

November 24, 2021 (part two)

Family means so much
to so many people

my genetic relatives profess
Family
as the utmost of all people
those who have your back no matter what
the only humans you can truly count on
(most of them still live within a thirty minute drive of each other to this day.)

my friends, my community, unaccepted within their blood kin
find Found Family
to love them
without reservation
without expectation
without conditions
and count on each other

i am lucky enough to have both
blood and non-blood relations
who love me
unconditionally
but that brings with it
division of time
of love
of feelings
of celebrations

(and it is only the Family from birth
who saw me grow as i did
which is sometimes a good thing
and sometimes a not so good thing;
and there are memories,
sometimes lovely
sometimes hard
when in their company)

but

there is an awfully grand sense of growing
when i am able to fully help with the labor
i only ever messed up or ignored
as a child;
and to be able to pass that on to
the children younger than myself…

that feeling, it’s

Indescribable.

June 23, 2021

another adventure
another setting out
this time for something
not quite as happy
but hopefully fulfilling
and connecting
and kind.

~~~

there are studies
that show
the earlier you deal with death
the better
(or so much worse)
you are at handling any death
as an adult.

i solidly fall into the second category,
my brain short circuiting whenever death is present
whenever someone is grieving
my go-to comfort is
to leave them alone.

but when you’re not a pre-teen
figuring out exactly what you need,
most folks would opt for connection
for a few words of comfort
not alone time.

so
after months of watching back episodes of
“Ask a Mortician”
and
reading her books
and
listening to her podcast
i’ve figured out a better way of dealing with death:

i ask the grieving person
what their favorite memory is of their loved one.
i specify they don’t have to share with me,
(but i’d be happy to hear if they choose),
but to simply think of their favorite memory.

i’ve only had two opportunities to use it so far,
but both felt connective,
kind,
and i felt useful
(all i really want to feel anyway)

so,
anyone grieving,
(or having gone through grief),
what’s your favorite memory of that person?

~~~

our dog
staring at her food
for minutes upon minutes
as if she’s having an existential crisis

(what a way for the universe to show us she belongs with us)