it’s already
march
but january and february seemed to take
forever
will the rest of this year
fly
by
or will it stretch and strain
as our cheeto in chief
brags about wars
and killing
whomever he pleases
i know i know i know
in just a few years
this will all have seemed
like it happened in the blink of an eye
but living in it
is dunking one’s head in molasses
and expecting
to blink
and breathe
and see
normally
i’m terrified
of everything
i’m terrified of living life
but i’m so terrified
of not
i’m scared of the united states government
but i’m scared of moving to something
new
i’m afraid of imperfection
but i’m always sabotaging myself
when i come even partially close
to something close
to perfection
if someone were to meet me
they’d never know that i feel
my whole life is run by
fear
but damn
i’m so scared
all of the time
and i will avoid so many things
just to avoid that feeling
[though it follows me
everywhere]
but sometimes i do things
even when i’m utterly
terrified
and they say that’s bravery
so i suppose that’s kinda cool…
the morality
against ai
or for
the one company
willing to refuse
to bend to pressure
from our fascist fucked-up government
[the condolence we have
is
we give money to support
their stance, and
if they end up bending
we can just
cancel
and give it up
and be curmudgeons all over again]
perhaps we’re living on the edge
perhaps the space age is actually coming
and the future will be so much brighter
than this tragic darkness we’re currently enduring
and our art will be the stuff of legends
of how we got out from under
fascist strong arms
and authoritarian ties
and everything will turn out
alright
in the end
i’m hopeful
but not expectful
because i know how these “governments” work
and we are facing a long
long
long
long
long trek ahead
[even a flashy fast apocalypse
would be welcomed more
than this slow descending trend
towards the end]
but as much as i see each moment
as if it’ll be viewed in history
i do not have the foresight of the future
i cannot know exactly what direction we’re taking
until it’s already been
taken
so i’ll simply say this:
continue fighting
whether the end is in sight
or not — perhaps your words will inspire
the next artist
to write
and on and on we inspire
and write
and fight
until the light actually
comes blazing
through.
feeling insane
for having sane responses
to an absolutely
batshit
crazy ass
timeline
i think my lot in life
is to fight fascism with
art
humanity
and softness
i don’t know how much of an impact i can make
but i can make you think about the fact that i don’t consider
fascists
humans
and perhaps that’s enough to get our brains working on critical thinking once more
contemplating civil unrest
and violence
and propaganda
and slippery slopes
and all the things that my mind is stuck on
daily
alongside the silly things
i have anxiety about
as well
if only my brain could give an indication of
what it actually is anxious about
because, if it’s the very real dangers
that are closer than people would like to admit
[though i will be fair here and give credence to the
systems in place to stop a war from happening, but
the state-sponsored violence is scary enough
already]
then maybe i have a mind that is
realistic
and preparing me
for potential trauma,
but
if it’s just freaked out about the menial
mundane
teeny tiny things
[and i’d actually do ok
in even more “unprecedented times”]
then maybe a medical intervention
to my anxiety is what is needed
at this time
but no, my distress
and obsession
bounce back and forth between
what are very real, but probably far away, fears
and overreacting to daily issues
most folks seem to deal with
mindlessly
i don’t want to lose my ability to be prepared for any eventuality
but, damn, this preparedness is killing me…
why isn’t it more acceptable
to protest with
citizenship?
[i mean, i know why
logistically
but wouldn’t that be an interesting world to live in
if it was actually feasible to do so?]
hiding
or fighting
a fascist dictatorship
a takeover of/from
what once called itself
the paradigm of democracy
and we the people
somehow
voted this power-monger in
[though, with wealth, it’s easy enough
to turn the tides of an election
with tactics on either side
of the line of
voter fraud]
but what do we do
when our numbers mean so little
against media takeovers and social distractions
and virtue signaling and in-fighting?
a revolution is at hand
but the powerful seem to have control
over literally everything
[we’ve been here before —
we, as a species —
perhaps the technology is new,
but i’m certain
i’m certain
the despair and feeling of powerlessness
has all happened
and will all happen
again
and again
and again and again and again
because humans hunger for power
almost as much as they hunger for community
it’s just
will we learn
from our past
or not?]
whenever folks have asked me, lately,
how i’m doing
[as a regular “good morning”/“hello again!” introduction]
i always answer honestly
[because i really can’t not
unless i’m in the midst of going somewhere else
and only have the time for the word “fine”]
i’ve been answering
after a pause
“good? i mean, if i’m not thinking about
the state of the world
and our country
and the eroding rights
that no one in power
seems to be stopping,
yeah, i’m actually, surprisingly, doing well.
but, you know, the minute i think about
anything outside of myself
i fall apart”
and the folks who have asked me
nod in agreement
then sigh and shake their heads in disgust
and we begin a dialogue
about all the terror
located in our nations capital
[and all over]
and while this hostile government takeover/
overt turn into fascism
is actively terrifying and illegal and immoral
it is making it okay
to talk about government abuses
in the day to day,
and be honest
that we shouldn’t actually
be okay,
so i suppose i’ll give it that.
[strangely, does fascism bring us all in
closer to community
because we actively, finally, see
what we all so desperately need?]
kipventures 