generalized anxiety disorder

August 26, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

the stress
and the stress of the partial resolution

what will happen with the real resolution
[or will there even be one at all?]
[and if so, how much more stressful
will it be? will i get? will get me?]
i wish i could react to stress
intelligently
but instead i go from my version of zero stress
[which is still pretty damn stressed]
to so stressed i can hardly move/breathe/deal with the stress at hand
and somehow the stress is resolved
or not
and we move on
and it cycles all over again
and i never learn to act quickly
i never learn that i still survive even with all this stress inside
i never learn that the cycle is already approaching
and my body will react the way it reacts

i never learn
i never learn
i never learn

August 23, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i’m so curious
if it’s a universal experience
to have a tiny internal voice
constantly telling you all the things
you’ve done wrong
or just are
that are wrong
day in and day out
and as one grows, it doesn’t go away
it simply is able to be drowned out a bit more
and a bit more
with the experiences and knowledge and
voices of loved ones

or if that’s only a universal experience
of those of us with depression and/or anxiety

thoughts?

August 14, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

perhaps
i’m not as dissociative as i have always/often concluded i am

perhaps
i’ve been in the moment this entire time

and it’s a coping mechanism
to convince myself
i’m not

like it’s a coping mechanism
to pretend you are over
love

when all we have is love

when all we are is love

August 9, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

biting my lip
the same spot
in the evening
in the nighttime
while i’m sleeping
during morning walks
all because i have
the anxiety that hits me
in my bones
in my core
in my head
in my heart
in my brain chemistry
in my fidgets
in my panics
in my subconscious
in my conscious state
in everything
even when i’m relatively
not worried
i’m still
so
worried

April 13, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

scrolling the feed
social media and doom
and feeling the gloom of
what a world what a world what a world

reading the newspaper
and seeing only sensation
the worst things are what sell
what a world what a world what a world

listening to the hot gossip
and feeling not so great about it
and maybe the subject matter and the talk give me
what a world what a world what a world

what a world
i cry
what a world
i try to fly away from it all
what a world
i mean
i’d like to die
but that could just be the suicidal ideation talking
or it could be this world
what a world
what a world
it could just be
this world

and here’s the thing
i know
i know
i know the world
can be pretty great sometimes

the people
their actions
there’s compassion everywhere
if you know what to look for

but sometimes we get caught up thinking
what a world
that we forget
what a world
to take a moment
what a world
and forget
what a world
about the world
what a world
and concentrate
what a world
on those
what a world
immediately
what a world
surrounding us
what a

huh

these folks/animals/vibes are pretty nice actually

what a
kind
cozy
comfy
tiny
world

April 6, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

to do
to do
today
today

what to do today of all days
other than to trap yourself in your mind
and climb and climb into the hole of depression
hold that anxiety deep within me
and maybe
maybe
make it out the other side
someday

[that’s on my to-do list
for another day]

February 12, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i wish i could just
relax into knowing
i know something

but instead the anxiety decides
to show up right at that moment
and “release” me from feeling
good about
anything
and instead
i feel
stupid/foolish/in over my head/a fraud

a straight up, full on imposter

how will i ever feel
like i’ve achieved
anything
if this is what my brain chemistry
does to me
every
single
time?

January 31, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

two panic attacks
[or something like them]
in one month
after years of fair avoidance

i cannot tell if something is
going on
inside me

or if it simply the strain
of the external forces
of the world i cannot control
[but still affects us all]

or maybe
maybe
it’s the strain of january
of winter
when i can never see the light of spring
at the end of the proverbial
tunnel

just give me one crocus blossom
one sprig of green
not these mountains of slush-snow
and lows below zero overnight
i need something
something
something to keep me going

this has been the longest january i’ve seen
since wisconsin

August 20, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

as fall approaches
but isn’t quite here
not yet
not yet

the memories of late summers past
invades my mind
sans consent
[do flashbacks ever ask?]
and no matter how stable
and lovely
and mine
my life is today

i keep seeing

loss
upon loss
upon lost trust
upon that feeling of any control in life
fleeting though it may have been
stolen in an instant

and this current administration
certainly doesn’t help this
weird ptsd i’ve found myself in

everything seems to be
culminating in something
and i continue to avoid all emotions and memories
until absolutely
necessary