my focus is
all over the place
wandering from
poetry
to internet-ing
to excitement for performing
to worry about the weather
to anticipation of the possibilities of my own
silly
videos
to apprehension of the upcoming
~event~
of tomorrow…
and i have no conclusion to this poem
for my focus can’t stay on one thing long enough
for such luxuries as
a nice
~ending~
interesting
without music
my brain only half focuses
like it does
with music with words
why does my focus only work on such
strict, specific auditory inputs?
focus
focus
focus
write the poems
and don’t get distracted
by the music
or the artwork
or the potential bagels
arriving
anytime
soon
focus
focus
focus
don’t be taken in by
the coffee beside you
or the potential trips
all coming up
or the gig
later today
or the stress
slowly
approaching
encroaching
focus
focus
focus
you just need 300 words
it’s not that difficult
it’s not that hard
it’s not a means to an end
but instead
a means to
a beginning
the focus isn’t necessarily not here today,
but it is wide and reaching and not necessarily on
the poem piece i’m in the moment making…
maybe it’s on a memory of years and years ago,
and wondering if that one person i interacted with
once
ever thinks fondly on their time helping me
decide what hot sauce i like best on my diner eggs
[i certainly think about them sometimes,
though i don’t even remember their appearance at all…]
maybe it’s on the moment i just had —
looking into the prism that spins rainbows around our house,
but when the sunlight directly flows through it
to ones eyes, one will be blinded in that spot
for approximately the time it takes to write
one stanza of one poem…
maybe it’s on my coffee
or my morning routine
or what i still have to do today
or what i’ll need to be doing later
or maybe my focus is just flitting around
the outsides of my figurative vision, waiting
for my peripheral to catch up with what i have already known
deep down
deep down.
the focus
is fucked
today
why are our plants so dusty?
why can’t i concentrate
on anything
but my own failings?
why is the puppy barking so loud?
doesn’t she know i’ve had a headache for days now?
will my nap
help any
of my focus/sadness/pains?
will the lesson later help my body
regain some of its magic
[maybe]?
[some questions for another rainy morning]
the focus
is off
it has been
for at least 24 hours
and i can’t tell if it’s sleep-related
or stress
or sadness
or winter weather
or holiday pressure
or whatever
but the focus
is off
the focus
is off
and it’s not seeming
to fix itself
back on
my focus
is splayed
delayed
i’m afraid i can’t
write any more
making my mind search and find
the one thing it was looking for:
a subject matter—-meta-poetry
meta-subject
meta-focus
can the brain only focus
on itself
when i’m like this?
the focus
of today
is failing
whether i write one hundred words
or one
i can’t seem to keep them all in line
with one another
i’m not one to give up
but i am known for knowing
when i’m fighting a losing battle
and maybe it’s simply time
to give myself
a [day’s]
break
capitalism
ruining even the most productive
of mornings
~~~
frustrated
distracted
hungry
but not yet ready
what a morning
~~~
banal tasks
take
less mental energy
but
when a sudden need
for that focus arrives
it’s quite jarring
kipventures 