i wish i could just
relax into knowing
i know something
but instead the anxiety decides
to show up right at that moment
and “release” me from feeling
good about
anything
and instead
i feel
stupid/foolish/in over my head/a fraud
a straight up, full on imposter
how will i ever feel
like i’ve achieved
anything
if this is what my brain chemistry
does to me
every
single
time?
vibing
with music
but not with
writing
[the plight of the creative
with too many outlets]
grey skies and
drip drops on window panes and
the perfect day to nap your stress away
and
the perfect evening to be lulled into deep deep sleep
~~~
evening pages
much much later than normal poetry time
[am i just doing this
to say that i did it?]
[isn’t that all life is anyway?]
~~~
i think
three
poems is enough poems
for such a late late night
poem-writing-time
quick morning pages this morning
perhaps even without posting
until the evening
because we got shit to do
this early morn’
[though i’d love to just be
sewing — apparently that’s my vibe
when the world gets to be
too big and too frightening
just do the physical
helpful labor
you know how to do]
once again i’m
writing in my bed while i
feel a little dread from
the world around me but
my cat is purring and
my dog is sighing and
my kip is working and
i suppose i’ll give tomorrow a go
evening posting
evening writing
evening time in bed
cuddling
and creating
and falling asleeping
[it’s nice when the whole family’s here]
umm yes, hello
spooky times in late late nights
(not too late tonight
but later than i’d like)
cat scratches and line runnings
and poem pickings to be posted
and why not, there’s no such thing as perfection
just doing
just doing.
is this all i am
now?
an evening-poem-writing
Kip?
will i ever poem again in the morning
light?
missing words
missing links
nighttime writing
pondering
posting
[but some things are still
missing]
and some days
it’s the procrastination
that turns to housework
that’s all that’s needed
and the sadness
that turns to book-reading
that really mattered
and the morning poetry
awkwardly completed at night
that was what had to be done.
kipventures 