sharing
is caring
but sometimes sharing doesn’t come
up right away, and needs years of
establishing trust and instincts and
rapport and a shared understanding of the world
sometimes sharing
needs to come after miles and miles of other
sharing
sometimes sharing doesn’t happen until
you’ve been married nearly
ten years
music is so good
so important
so emotionally charged
and i
cannot handle that
[sometimes]
if
every time i sing
is not a time for noticing
but instead a time for horrid judging
a time to nitpick how my voice is not to my liking
a time to either be perfect or, if not, then so far away it’s not even worth it to continue on
then
how can i noodle with my voice
into a safe space/a kinder place for me
to explore and notice and be neutral and not judge at all
is it even possible?
[it is with a growth mindset, you know.]
i’ve been reading a book
about great poet-scientists
of the last few centuries,
and within these last few chapters of the book
the author (and voices from the past)
have assessed
that the greatest authors–
the greatest poets
are ones
who are
open
and honest
with their
emotion
and i think i am not yet there.
my poetry is very head-y.
most poems appear in my head
as something like
‘i think’
not at all
‘i feel’
and maybe that is my access to my emotions
[head to heart to body]
and, although i’d like to get there someday,
i really don’t think i am quite there
yet
even my depression
is very thought-based;
a reaction to an over-thinking mind
that won’t shut up about
all the pains and sufferings in the world
and how i could do something about it
if only i were as powerful as i
thought myself to be
so i’m not yet there
emotionally
in my poetry,
but someday
i may be
and when that happens,
y’all had better look out
(because i’ve had so much practice
with these mind-based poems of mine,
my emotion-based art will be
so great)
…(or, watch, it’ll read
like a three-
year-old
wrote it)
(but that’ll be ok
because it will be mine.
and it will
it will
it will be
honest)
kipventures 