drawing

October 24, 2021

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i’ve been writing and deleting
for a few days now
[and drawing and erasing]
and i know this happens
no matter what;
it is inevitable at some point
to need to re-create
in order to finish a creation

but i’ve been starting and immediately stopping,
each burst of creative energy is met with
“ehhh…maybe not…”
to then need to forge a new path
ahead

and i am unsure if this means i am having trouble following a complete path
or perhaps i’m simply noticing earlier where paths will not lead
or maybe it means i’m putting everything down on paper[screen]
when i initially start
instead of editing myself in my head

whatever the reason
[be it “good” or “bad” or “neutral”]
it doesn’t stop the “now”
from being quite frustrating
every time.

October 23, 2021

/ HJ / Leave a comment

will i ever find my own voice
my pattern of poetry
my own way of writing
a style all my own
in this poem-a-day-venture?

do i even want to?

i want to find my own style
while drawing
because right now my “style” is simply
me not really knowing what i’m doing
and trying things out
and fading limbs when they err too close to the hands
and to the feet…

but i generally know what i’m doing
with writing
(or at least i was formally trained
for a time)
(though that doesn’t necessarily mean
anything
at all)

a style in visual art
to me
would mean
i’ve achieved choices
and a way to be recognized
and a general idea of what i’m doing
(and doing it with purpose)

but a style
in poetry
to me
would mean
pigeon-holing me
into one particular mode of voice
and this cacophony of styles
i suppose
is my choice
(and i guess,
at least right now
i do with a semblance
of purpose)

May 11, 2021

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i like watching kip draw,
the decisions made
so quickly,
the lines deft and
decisions clear.
i often wish i could draw,
but when i practice
i get so frustrated;
every image i see in my head
i don’t have the muscle control to get
onto the page
or screen
or whatever.
while i draw, i feel like that portrait
of Jesus
that was “cleaned”
[botched]
and i’m just trying to do my best
to put some eyes
a nose
and maybe a mouth
back on myself
but i know with my skills
they’ll be
so sad
so i just do it lightly
and hope no one else notices
my black hole of a face
with child-like imprinting
there where real features used to be.