just let me write,
brain,
send the right brain in to do its job
leave me left alone, left brain,
except for executive functioning i need
to continue on my path to please
what little remains of the dopamine
in my internal system
so i can be a writer
so i can write as i want to write
i can do it,
i can write it,
right?
dopamine
March 26, 2024
today is for following the dopamine
[while still contributing to society]
wear whatever makes your heart thump with joy
even if that’s cotton harem pants/
a t-shirt from Pride 2020/
an old grandpa cardigan/
and iridescent rainbow sparkle tennis shoes,
and listen to pump-up music
[hype instrumental mix
since the search function isn’t working
and i really just want to listen to
funk]
and write until you don’t want to,
and drink coffee whenever the spirit moves you,
and hydrate because you love it,
and maybe even bring a sewing with you to work
[or just go straight for the alphabetization—
you know how much you love that]
[even though it seems never-ending…]
and just go
with the flow
and row
to the hype-beat of your own
[whatever]
December 21, 2023
it’s that time of year
where the only dopamine is from the bright decorative lights after the sun sets at 4
and that of the morning sun hitting the frost just so
as i shiver in my own home
[no matter what the heat is set to]
and i can’t help but wish for the brighter days/the warmer ways
that summer months send us
and annoy us
and i would much rather be complaining of too much heat
than even a little bit of cold —
my muscles tighten up in winter,
my whole body stops moving smoothly,
and i can’t can’t cannot get happy
no matter what i do
[i can’t even get into
writing poetry in
the morningtime]
[but at least it gets better from here on out, right?]
December 14, 2022
i don’t really know
what i’m writing this morning
i just know
i wish i had
some
dopamine/serotonin/anything
to keep me company
through this season
~~~
is my
not having
an up-to-date phone
just a reminiscence of being
four versions out of date
in my aol/internet service
and therefore
a form of
comfort?
~~~
writing poems
and hearing the rhymes
that didn’t make it in
but somehow
making the poem
fuller
is a weird sort of poet magic
May 1, 2022
it’s gonna
be
May
the millennials shout
and cheer
for one of the few moments
of the year
the dopamine is high
when we think about time
passing.
last night the ice cream truck
drove down our street again
creeping along at a snail’s pace
at dusk
and it struck me
how easily
fun and bright childhood joys
can turn to nightmare fuel
with one or two
subtle
adjustments,
and i just
wanted to remember
getting ice cream from the truck
every
single
visit to Grandmama’s
but instead my mind went to
scary places
(and also to mundanity,
which in itself
is a nightmare all it’s own)
and why
must overthinking
do all this?
but it’s okay
because:
it’s
gonna
be
May.
which means less cold weather
(cross your fingers and toes
and arms and legs
because this spring has been
so
damn
cold
since Louka got sick)
and perhaps more thunderstorms
(have ‘April showers bring May/flowers’
always been slightly off,
or are the spring storms actually
moving
towards happening in May
as another subtle/obvious effect
of the changing of our climate now?)
and perhaps a more relaxed and reasonable me
(because of more time outside,
and extended sunlight in the sky,
and potential adventurous trips for us elsewhere
or for faraway friends towards where we reside)
so,
May,
go ahead and happen
because i could use the damn dopamine.
April 14, 2022
you’d think
the tsunami
of serotonin
(or dopamine)
that floods my brain
when i finally do something
that’s been looming
for so long
would make me realize i should do the things
more
faster
sooner
(but i suppose
the payoff isn’t as strong
if the procrastination isn’t also
that
strong
?)
kipventures 