see
me
doing the work
writing the things
pushing
daily

meet
me
in between
the day and the night
the push and the pull
the enjoying the work
and the pushing through for completionist’s sake

and do it all
in a mf-ing
pandemic

~~~

don’t know where that came from
except my brain
so i guess it’s not all sunflowers and random peaks of
existential dread
up in here…

~~~

the thing is, i’m not pushing
that hard,
like,
i do like
writing
i enjoy it
and [especially] when i get into flow
it’s the most fulfilled and productive i feel
but the last few days/weeks have felt
‘off’
and i can’t quite figure out why,
but i just keep going
and if i don’t write anything that i deem
‘good enough’ for posting
i simply go back to other days
where writing felt smoother
and more ‘of me’
(or something)
and i post that
(which i’ve done before
but maybe not so many days in a row?)
(and even the written — posted days
feel
not great)

did the second poetry-writing challenge break me?
or is this simply the effects of wintertime
(and every year i’m surprised)