September 10, 2023

it’s still so wild to me
that i can miss the puppy stage —
with all the tiny pounces,
and bumbling bounces,
and round face,
soft fur,
clumsy,
smol, smol creature;
and yet
see the videos/
want to cuddle
but prefer our puppy as she is now —
grown in to her scruffy self,
developed such a strong personality,
knowing her toys,
showing her smarts,
happy smiles,
looking to us
(her family)
for support.

puppies are incredibly cute,
but dogs are where
it’s at for me.

August 5, 2023

we have
such a good dog!

oh
my
goodness!

when she does the things we ask of her —
so good!

when she doesn’t,
but wants to,
but gets a little confused —
very good!

when she is feeling a bit contrary
but clearly wants us
to be proud —
so good!

when she misbehaves
it’s usually because
we didn’t give her
enough attention
or exercise
or know exactly
what was going through her mind
at the time,
and that makes her
still
a good
good
dog!

November 17, 2022

poor injured puppy
(i didn’t even know dogs could get
ACL tears)
(i mean, that’s not technically the diagnosis
but that’s essentially what it is
when compared with
human injuries)

and it’s common
and it’s [most likely] not going to need surgery
(knock on wood)
but
it’s so tough seeing puppies in pain
and it’s so tough when we just had our old dog
do so many procedures and things
and we just want our puppy to be able to
have the zoomies
run around
be a puppy
but
she is stuck
in puppy jail
for her own
good

November 16, 2022

my poor
sick
dogs
(one our actual puppy
limping, limping for days
no weight on the back right foot
except when she decides she’d rather balance
than feel pain)
(the other my spouse
dog-like and loving-dogs
recovered from covid just to worry themselves
into a migraine
over our sick
sick
puppy)

November 14,2022

how do you
become at peace
with the fact
that you will never be doing enough?

i don’t know
but i think
that’s how to approach
anti-racism
anti-white-supremacy
anti-any-hate
in a sustainable way

(because otherwise
the sides of the coin
are performative
or overwhelmed catatonia
and neither
actually provide
results
or action)

~~~

there really is a comfort
to having a canine
use your leg
as a pillow
to prop up
their heavy heavy chin

~~~

when i pet my pets
the studies run through my head
of how this act helps the serotonin levels
in humans’ (and dogs’) brains

but i know my serotonin
or the transmitters that run it along
aren’t working at their full strength
so i often think to myself
“ok, here we go, serotonin, you can do it!!!”
just to help it
a bit

sometimes we need
store-bought chemicals
and sometimes we need
our own cheering squad
and sometimes we need
both
and that shouldn’t be looked down upon

September 22, 2022

i think it’s so funny
when people are funny
about their dog’s gender

the dog
doesn’t care
only you care
only you

~~~

but maybe that’s the source
right?
it doesn’t matter what the misgendered person’s gender is
it doesn’t matter how they feel at all
it’s all about the
person
in power—
the parent
or owner
or law maker

am i right?

~~~

experimentation
with imperfection
with writing
without rewriting
with whimsy
and morning brain
and coffee-less veins
and only a little bit
of contemplation
before composition
before posting
again

July 3, 2022

even when i’m sad
or overwhelmed
with the state of the world
this puppy doesn’t know
this puppy just wants to play
this puppy will look at me
with a tilted head
trying so hard to figure out what i’m saying
this puppy will sleep so peacefully
her feet dance and dance and dance
this puppy may not know
what’s happening
in the world
or down the street
or even fully understand
what’s happening in this house
but this puppy is happy
and that happiness
infects me
infects us
every day
and makes the world’s problems seem
a little
less daunting
for a moment

(and that is what i call
self
care)