a stress
a moment before we deal
a fear
a breath, a poem, and a sip of coffee before we head out
to the emergency vet (are we familiar faces yet?)
and hope for the ‘best case scenario’
(which is still a tumor)
the problem with having a dog
who already doesn’t get excited by food
is that decreased appetite
isn’t the same shocking warning sign
as it is for other
families
autumn is a time for falling asleep
spring is the awakening
autumn is preparing for the months of winter depression
spring is shedding those sads
autumn is slowing, pondering, thinking, dying
spring is the adrenaline amping up again
so why do i feel so tired and sad and ponderous
while spring is all around me?
~~~
coffee
music
cat on lap
dog on couch
kip across the table
help me enter the day
my way
~~~
i know my headspace isn’t great
if i obsess over things
or
if i shoot from one subject matter
to the next
to the next
with no real resolution
and no thinking through to the end.
so why are my indications
entirely opposing?
is this my black and white thinking coming to some sort of fruition
or is this the source of my non-grey-mind?
the dog hasn’t been eating much
and though it might be
old age/
picky taste/
boredom/
sensitive teeths
it could also mean she’s
depressed
(which,
like,
we can barely keep our own depressions
from swallowing us whole,
how can we care for
another being’s mind-demons???)
but
i digress
if Louka is depressed
i’ve decided to do my best
to make her just a little bit
happier
so yesterday
we went on a long, long walk.
i let her lead the way,
and barring standing in the middle of the road,
she was our guide.
through the meandering side-streets
of the north bronx
we were intrigued by smells off of a sports field,
scared off by loud subway sounds,
befriended by a neighbor-acquaintance
(and Louka received many treats
for her good ‘sits’ and ‘high-fives’),
and after we’d walked with them for a bit
we bid adieu
to explore a new street,
a new space,
we’d never been before–
and suddenly
in the midst of a mostly barren
chain-link fenced-in yard
stood a small, plastic bull
at attention
ready to fight
and Louka was ready as well
she sniffed
and stared
and stood her ground
until
a play bow!
a small, playful growl!
a fully formed play bark!
her tail wagged a staggering pace,
her hops and leaps and bounds
unbounded by her
skinny, old-dog frame
as she desperately tried to coax this
non-dog,
non-living,
little plastic bull
to play with her
(a dog who never plays,
not with toys,
or humans,
or even other dogs
unless forced to,
and even then…)
and i watched,
delighted,
damn near crying
because she’s been so sad
so lonely
so tired
so much less energetic
over the last few weeks/months/years
and i saw there a full puppy
happy dog tail
happy dog bounce
happy dog
play
acting like a puppy
(and on National Puppy Day!!!)
so maybe there is hope
and help
for our dog’s depression
and maybe
just maybe
that means the humans’ depressions in this house
might be lessened
just a bit
too.
falling asleep just
thinking
about the words i’m about to write
and the things necessary to be done today
and the accomplishments i need to do before this week ends
there’s a van down the street
just a few doors down
rumbling
and popping
and waking itself up for the day
if this van with
[clearly]
many things in need of fine tuning inside it
can take its time
getting itself ready
for its tasks for the day
then i certainly can wake myself up
through poetry
[and coffee]
~~~
but
i’m not awake
yet
~~~
the fake fireplace glows
and blows
forced heated air
at us
while the tiny humidifier
blows vapored water
up
into the air
into the plant beside it
reflecting in the mirror behind it
and we drink our coffee
as the dog tries so hard to lick her legs
on the couch
(that has become 100% hers)
and the cat is…
…somewhere
(a standard morning at the kips’)
it feels
like spring
today
wild flowers
blossoming into
purple patches
on our lawn
it feels
like spring
today
no coat
necessary
for dog-
walking
it feels
like spring
today
yesterday’s rain
melds in
my nose
with other
nyc smells
to create
something
new
it feels
like spring
today
the spouse
planning a
garden
on each
terrace
in the
back
it feels
like spring
today
we all
sat/stood
in the
sunlight
absorbing it
knowing
that although
it feels
like spring
today
tomorrow
could be
a whole
different
story.
when dogs get ‘the zoomies’
it’s an indication
that they are a happy dog
but is the same true
for cats
with ‘the zoomies’ ?
our cat
is a very zoomie cat
but she has increased the amount
of zoomies
since our moving to this house
probably five-fold
so i think i’m going to take it
as a win
and assume she is far happier
in the house
than she was at either apartment
(though she can’t see the birds as she once could…
is she now chasing bird ghosts instead of birds themselves?)
(a question for another poem.)
It’s a very skunk-y Christmas
When the day before the Eve-ening,
A precariously-leaned gate outside our door
Gave a neighborhood skunk quite a fright-ening
It’s a very skunk-y Christmas
When throughout our teeny home
The not-quite-fully sealed window panes
Let the stink-smell roam
It’s a very skunk-y Christmas
We’ve tried candles, incense, and fans
Though perhaps if we’d had a real-live-fir
Yeah, that would’ve been a good plan…
It’s a very skunk-y Christmas
But at least it’s not the only threat
What with Omicron out a-spreading
Friends and family won’t be visiting just yet
It’s a very skunk-y Christmas
But our animals don’t seem to mind
The cat runs around as spastic as us-ual
And the dog’s head tilts in kind
It’s a very skunk-y Christmas
When the day before the Eve-ening,
A precariously-leaned gate outside our door
Gave a neighborhood skunk quite a fright-ening
if you ever have a dog
with the dizzies
(the vertigo)
(the nausea)
(the old dog disease)
(the canine idiopathic vestibular disorder)
know that you can help your dog
replenish her fluids
with ice cubes
(or at least
it’s a little easier
than bringing a bowl of water to her
that she continually,
uncoordinatedly,
backs away from
in fear)
know this, so that you may be able to give your dog plenty of water
within that first 24/48 hours,
rather than being like us
and struggling for each droplet
in rubber bowls and silver spoons and white dishrags on plates
and not thinking of ‘solid water’ until
day three.
signed,
the kips
sleeping downstairs
because the dog [might have]
another uti…
maybe not quite as comfy as our bed
but at least we know
future guests
will be
in good
mattress[es]
Kip asked me yesterday if i ever missed
Brooklyn
and i said i missed some things,
some people,
i miss Carlos and Jacob and the other babies who would
squeal
with fright/delight as they pet the giant teddy bear
that is Louka.
i miss the unofficial mayor of Flatbush (Joy),
and Mike
and about
half
the people in our building
(not that we dislike the other half,
we just never really met them).
i miss all the vegetarian food places;
El Barrio Burritos,
Zen Vegetarian Chinese food,
and the veggie option at Silver Rice,
and that food-truck that stood at the street-corner near the Q
waiting for me to try one of the falafels
(but i never did…)
i miss the woman selling wares and jewelry and incense from her van
every day
(though we still have plenty of Egyptian Musk to get us through)
and i do miss the vibrancy of
Prospect Park
right next door.
but
here
we have new neighbors to get to know,
new food places to explore
(though i am still in search of good plant-based options),
new parks to meander around,
a backyard,
a road Louka isn’t afraid to walk near,
and the best bagels we’ve had in New York
so…i’m pretty sure we’re winning.
(plus, our old home is simply a train ride
or two
away!)
kipventures 