disconnected

March 29, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i keep so many things
stuck
huddled up
on the outside

hidden
on my sleeve

i think part of this reprieve
helps everyone but me

[how do i know what’s going on
in my own mind
if i can never find
the emotions and thoughts there?]

or

or

or

am i so disconnected
[head to heart to body]
that it seems like everything is external to me?

and if somehow
some way
i could simply connect
myself
to myself
i might see
all the emotions and thoughts
i thought i had hidden away
externally

they’ve all been part of me
this
whole
damn
time

[maybe]

September 8, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

do other people’s bones
just kinda pop
and shift
into place
when their bodies move,
like they’re catching up
with the muscles and tendons and fat and signals
from the brain — the bones are lazing their days away
but are [eventually] taken along for the ride?

is that my whole issue? that literally none of my body parts move as one
unit?

i’m just body parts
and systems
and cells and bacteria and all the tiny things
all wrapped up into one trench-coat of an external “body”

[maybe that’s why they/them feels so good on me]

November 10, 2021

/ HJ / Leave a comment

…is that why i’m so disconnected from my body now?
because i spent so many years
either
starving it to thrive in that social climate
or feeling like my mind was too expansive
for a regular human body

(and do i still feel like that
if i dig down deep
and ask?)