swag bags
filled with stuff
from a college i never attended
[maybe never will]
but still
a place of lovely memories
and blossoming friendships
even if
just for one event
in one
day
dance
March 16, 2024
dance, for me, was never a release
or an expression of self
[at least before i found circus]
it was always what my body was doing “wrong”
what i needed to “fix” in movement
or appearance
it was so much about “looking”
rather than being
and living
but i’ve been working as a paid backup dancer
for a few months now,
and, granted, this isn’t the most professional
or well-funded endeavor
i’ve ever
been on
or seen,
but
it’s given me
such a whole new perspective
on how healing
and expressive
and giving
dance can actually be
[even though i’m still so critique-y
when i see
what my body does
naturally…
i suppose we all have
something
to work on —
whether it’s flexibility
or a better turn-out
or our own perceptions of self —
we can always be better
and
we can always be kinder
even to ourselves]
January 30, 2024
a dancer
once mistook me
for someone they dance with —
suggesting
i would be skilled enough
to have shared a class with them —
and after
i told them no,
they suggested i was skilled enough
to have taken other classes elsewhere
for vogueing and waacking and the like
and complimented my own arm movements/control/awareness
and i still can’t get down from that
high
[and it makes me actually want to
try
one of those classes
sometime]
January 4, 2024
maybe i just need a kick in the pants
a push in some direction
any direction
to just try some things out
let’s dabble in dancing
in aerial theatre
in embroidery/stained glass/poetry/story-writing/singing
i want to be performing
and i want to stay home and safe and comfy
and i want to be known
and i want to never be perceived
and i want to grow my talents
but i get so frustrated when i’m not immediately good at something
and i can’t help but think
that this is what life is
so if it’s what life is
then maybe i should just
enjoy the ride
that i’m on
December 30, 2022
i don’t really know
what
i want to do
what words i want to say
to share
with folks of varying varieties
acts
claps
applause
what is it all
and what is it all for
you know?
~~~
re-reading
old words
completed poems
even some not yet posted
and i think
that’s a great way
to spend
an end-of-year day
today—
don’t you?
~~~
dance around the room
calm the over-excited pup
listen to worded and non-worded music
read words about naps
and contemplate them, too
morning. here.
October 2, 2020
i first touched a lyra
(in order to play inside)
in 2010
and for six years
i didn’t touch one again
but from January 2016
to March 2020
i never stayed away more than three weeks
it’s been 6 and a half months
it’s been 6 months
two weeks
three days
since i last touched a lyra
(since i last touched any circus apparatus)
(since i last knew what it was like to fly)
and i am not expecting a lot
from tomorrow
i know my muscles have weakened
my flexibility has lessened
my (un)calloused hands can’t hold myself up
nearly as long as
once they did
i am not expecting much
because the world is still uncertain
and a virus is still ‘at loose’
and i know anything, absolutely anything
could happen
but i hope i get to remember what it felt like to fly
to be truly free
truly in the moment
(to enjoy being alive)
and i hope
for one hour
i can fully experience that all
again
and maybe plan for
a next time.
May 14
get pulled into audience participation dancing
Perform
feel out of place on a luxury train
Perform
meet new people who think your life is interesting
Perform
that is your profession, is it not?
kipventures 