April 30, 2024

the drive to write is strong —
but what to write about
never seems to come along —
like i’m sitting at a type-writer
or a pen and paper notebook
and i am hovering above what
could very well be brilliant
imagery/alliteration/metaphor
and simile and allegory all
stuck together, but instead my
pen/finger tip just shudders,
the ache of keeping it up
too long as i wait, the heaviness
of the potential i feel in my
body mind and soul too much
too much for one little
writing utensil/blank screen
to hold, so instead i write
about nothing, i write about
wanting to write, i write over
and over again meta poems that
never seem to come to any sort
of fruition or resolution or
conclusion, and i continue
to write and write and write

and here i am again…

April 13, 2024

don’t craft
after
11pm

each creative has
different rules/
a different time
to ~stop~ by

but

the guidance remains the same:
there is a moment when
you are too tired to
cut/poke holes/hot glue/craft however you do —
decisions made when brains crave sleep
are never decisions awake brains will keep
[and some decisions are
more permanent/less fixable
than others]

December 28, 2023

swirling in my mind
worlds and stories and epic tales
i cannot find
i can’t even look
for fear that the search
is what makes them disappear
so i seem, from the outside, like a normal
everyday
human
maybe a little weird
maybe a little queer
but otherwise fine
but inside…
inside the roiling mess, the boiling mass
of tangles of plot lines
and whole universes overlapping
to the point of chaos
and i want to pull at one solitary string
hoping
it’ll un-loose
and unleash
a story-worthy ~something~
but
i’m scared
it won’t
and i’m even more scared
the harder i pull at one
the farther tangled
the other ones will become
until i’m
all out of opportunities

November 26, 2023

coffee is life
coffee is water
coffee is made of water
but it also dehydrates
but it also invigorates
and incorporates happiness where once there was none
coffee’s bitterness
comforts those accustomed to its sweeter kiss
the kiss of caffeine and morningtime
the kiss of smooth slides down the throat
the kiss of routine and hundreds of years of
awakened
creative
flow

October 25, 2023

i wish i had a head for organizing
in an empty space—
to see what could come of nothing/
to observe the puzzle pieces as they fit
perfectly
together
where once there was void

i am of the kind of mind
that gets overwhelmed with too much choice

the minute you give me parameters
the minute you give me shelves and labels
the minute you give me a bag with sections
or a dishwasher with the levels and dividers
i’m great at fitting in
more than what the average person might fit

but i feel like such a fool/square/failure
to not be able to go from nothing
to something

i always need something
to jump off from

[this poem is not just about organization]

September 23, 2023

a sleight of hand
a quick picked lock
and i’m accessing portions of my mind
i never thought i’d find

enjoyment

calm

confidence

creation

i do wish i’d found it sooner
but i’m so happy to have found it
at all

September 8, 2023

who else
has gotten
this far in life
just to
question
everything?

~~~

probably
a lot of people
actually

amiright

~~~

books
bringing
creativity

tv shows
about
gaming

where is the fantasy
in my own
life?

where can i
create
and write
and adventure?

where can i
do all the things
buzzing about
in my little
MaybeHD
brain?