swirling in my mind
worlds and stories and epic tales
i cannot find
i can’t even look
for fear that the search
is what makes them disappear
so i seem, from the outside, like a normal
everyday
human
maybe a little weird
maybe a little queer
but otherwise fine
but inside…
inside the roiling mess, the boiling mass
of tangles of plot lines
and whole universes overlapping
to the point of chaos
and i want to pull at one solitary string
hoping
it’ll un-loose
and unleash
a story-worthy ~something~
but
i’m scared
it won’t
and i’m even more scared
the harder i pull at one
the farther tangled
the other ones will become
until i’m
all out of opportunities
creativity
November 26, 2023
coffee is life
coffee is water
coffee is made of water
but it also dehydrates
but it also invigorates
and incorporates happiness where once there was none
coffee’s bitterness
comforts those accustomed to its sweeter kiss
the kiss of caffeine and morningtime
the kiss of smooth slides down the throat
the kiss of routine and hundreds of years of
awakened
creative
flow
October 25, 2023
i wish i had a head for organizing
in an empty space—
to see what could come of nothing/
to observe the puzzle pieces as they fit
perfectly
together
where once there was void
i am of the kind of mind
that gets overwhelmed with too much choice
the minute you give me parameters
the minute you give me shelves and labels
the minute you give me a bag with sections
or a dishwasher with the levels and dividers
i’m great at fitting in
more than what the average person might fit
but i feel like such a fool/square/failure
to not be able to go from nothing
to something
i always need something
to jump off from
[this poem is not just about organization]
September 23, 2023
a sleight of hand
a quick picked lock
and i’m accessing portions of my mind
i never thought i’d find
enjoyment
calm
confidence
creation
i do wish i’d found it sooner
but i’m so happy to have found it
at all
September 8, 2023
who else
has gotten
this far in life
just to
question
everything?
~~~
probably
a lot of people
actually
amiright
~~~
books
bringing
creativity
tv shows
about
gaming
where is the fantasy
in my own
life?
where can i
create
and write
and adventure?
where can i
do all the things
buzzing about
in my little
MaybeHD
brain?
September 7, 2023
perhaps
what i actually want
and need
is creative collaboration
and i just don’t know
how in the world
to achieve it
because of growing up
as a severely independent
only child
June 30, 2023
no creative energy
no inspirational flow
no way to know
if this is how it is today
or if i just need to let my imagination
go
~~~
so
i suppose
i’ll write
~~~
a glitch
in the system
a ghost
in my computer
a little spark of the unknown
is everywhere
around us
January 5, 2023
it’s only hitting me now
we are in a brand new year
the possibilities only end with your
[and society’s]
imagination(s)
and even then
some folks push the boundaries
of societal borderings
think outside the box
and only become trapped when they exhaust
every [im]possible way out
and still
try
i’d like to be that kind of
creative
December 29, 2022
this morning
the pages don’t flow
they flitter
glitter shimmering past my peripheral
if i follow the train of thought
i want
i’ll be leaving this subject matter behind
but what is it i’m trying to find?
am i aiming for polish
for pristine
for perfection
or could it be
the messy/testing/trying out
glitter flittering in and out
dopamine hitting my starved system
will fill it far more than
niceness served for nicety’s sake
who am i kidding?
i am a perfectionist and a completionist
i can aim for both at once
it doesn’t matter that that would require
a physically impossible arrow
more time in the day than is there now
legitimately anything different than what i bear
but now
i can admit my silly ways
my impossible aims
and even if i still want what i literally cannot have
at least i know it
and that’s progress
right?
December 18, 2022
i keep having ideas
good ideas
great fucking ideas
for poems
and essays
and thought pieces
when i’m on the train
when i’m out walking post-rain
when i don’t have my computer with me
and my words come faster than a notebook would suit me
so i just leave it dormant
in my head
hoping against hope
that it’ll all be there again
when i have my things/solitude/words/supplies
but it’s all lies
i know the words are there
and the concept needs to be shared
i’m just
plain
scared.
kipventures 