poetry
to keep non-poets away
that is not for me to say
i am here to help you see
the arts are always welcoming
you need only find the place that makes sense
in your own soul
everyone can poem
everyone can paint
everyone can act/sing/dance/make/
do
if you want to
if your drive is to express yourself
[it gets complicated when careers and livelihoods are at stake,
but art for art’s sake —
that is always for
every
one]
fall into a concept:
drag kid
for the gender you’ve always wanted to be
but couldn’t — the exaggerated child actor
[here it’s safe from sexualization, at least not
without it being weird]
[maybe]
[hopefully]
could i make the mix i want?
could i use my little kid voice acting skills
for this
silly
silly
ridiculous
possibly exactly what i need
concept?
the creativity is bubbling up
boiling and broiling
until a mess ends up over the sides of the pot
roiling down the sides
and onto the stove itself
and the question is:
was the creative endeavor one that would
put the flame that ignited the creative spark
out
or
is it one that is incendiary and will
continue to burn
until it consumes
the whole house?
but what to write about
when my brain feels so tired
and exhausted from trying to
be creative all week
and knowing that there’s still a couple of things
left to adjust
and fix and mix in
but it’s ok
for a first
draft
it’s ok
for my first
try
it’s ok
for a first
and maybe even a second
or maybe
maybe
maybe
it’s better than ok
for all of those things
[i need to believe
in my creativity
more]
creativity streams from me
from my fingertips to a computer screen
from my acting choices to an audience’s eyes
from my body on a circus apparatus
and i feel
almost
creative
creation mixes magic
with science
and i think you’ll find
we’re all adept
at both
[if we just believe]
create
creativity
or you’ll die from
lacking
a human need
certain music makes me certain
there’s magic somewhere in the air
maybe we can’t see it
maybe we can’t know it
but maybe we can feel it
in our core
in our bones
in our soul
where other magic lays in wait
for the perfect moment
to show its face
to provide a fate
out of the ordinary
[what is creativity
if not a magic of the mind?]
writing and composing
and creating in my mind,
but the connection to getting things
out into the world
is a broken synapse/
a mis-connected wire/
something that somehow doesn’t work
the way i think it should
[the way it does work for so many]
and i feel
closer to fixing it/
finding the connection/
actually getting my feelings
out
than i have ever felt in my life
[crazy what one honest therapy session can do]
it’s the dichotomy
between
my very private personality
and my desire/impulse to overshare at every opportunity
it’s the balance to find
between
loving the little luxuries in life
and not feeling fully fulfilled
unless i’m working insanely hard
it’s the desire to be the raw, young talent
switching between
wanting to be respected, knowledgable, wise
it’s the old soul behind a young face,
it’s the bubbling energy inside an aging body
it’s the creativity battling the perfectionism
it’s the wanting to do good, placed against knowledge of how bad it really is
it’s loving humanity
and being so scared of people
all at the same time
it’s the dichotomy
and it’s forever battling inside me
(i have always identified with Aang,
but maybe i’m more like Zuko,
trying to prove myself,
working against insurmountable odds,
until another option shines through
and i realize i didn’t need to work that hard to begin with)
(that analogy didn’t lead where i initially thought it would…)
kipventures 