November 5, 2024

we already voted
but if you haven’t,
please do

for those too busy working multiple jobs
to put food on the table
for babies they never wanted
but were forced to have

for the trans children living double lives
in states that would rather have them die
than live their full, honest truth
around parents who may, eventually come around
but they don’t yet have that proof

for artists
and freaks
and everything that makes this country
what it is
which may not be great
[but it never was in the first place — we’ve had growing pains
for hundreds of years,
but each pang
is a way
towards equality
and equity
and not going back
please, don’t try to go back,
the future is where it’s at]

we already voted
and for one moment
i felt a slight relief from this anxiety
that has plagued me
for over a year now

so please,
vote for my Grandmama, who died from covid in 2023
[you know, after covid was “over”],
and vote for Palestinians
and the Sudanese
and the immigrants who listened to our statue of liberty
only to be met with hatred and libel,
please
exercise your right
while you still
have it.

October 14, 2024

i keep having ideas for poems
and then leaning away from them

i think i’d like to hibernate
until spring comes

but what if spring
and summer
and early fall
all continue like this—
terrible news
no end to covid in sight
[though people try as they might
to ignore all the facts and findings]
death
and destruction
and feeling hopeless and helpless to stop it
unrelenting
unrelenting
i feel like i need a hibernation
until my next
life

October 5, 2024

yesterday i got the shot
yes
that shot
and the other one
and i continued to feel it
feel it
feel it
for so long
i thought discomfort and suffering
had become part of my personality
but as the vaccine reaction faded
and even though i still have a busted rib
and a busted calf for some reason
i’m not nearly as
hopeless
as i was
even earlier
today

April 5, 2024

what a day
was yesterday —

a covid kip/
a power outage
lasting hours
[so no regular morning things]/
many calls and stresses/
and finally, the dreaded mri
[but not before getting poked and prodded
and hurt and pained
and bruised]

and, of course, a target run
for my sickkip

but now
now
today
this morning
at this moment
things
are back
to
[relative]
normal

February 8, 2024

i had a dream
[a stressdream]
[a nightmare really]
where i was back in college
[musical theatre college]
[in canada]
and it was time for some sort of dance critiques
or juries
or something
but it wasn’t 2012
it was now
today
with the coronavirus and everything
and one of my dancemates
tested positive for covid
but still came in
and didn’t even mask
because it “wasn’t a big deal”
because
“everyone will get it a few times anyway”
because
“it’s basically just a cold
and i’m not even showing many symptoms
anyway”
anyway
anyway
[i don’t actually remember everything this person said
because i stopped listening —
i was filled with pure rage
and disgust
and loss
and panic
and i freaked out
and ran far far away
because if i can’t trust those in my own like-minded friend-group
who in the fuck
can i trust?]

i’m still heart-pounding
skin-paling
high on adrenaline
with the crash coming soon
and i don’t know how to soothe
my beat-up nervous system
because real life
isn’t that much
different…