connection with the universe

November 27, 2024

/ HJ / Leave a comment

birthday poems:

~~~

cotton candy coffee
for my birthday morning
and remembering the good things
that happened this year
[so next time i can only see
the terrible, i have something
to comfort me]

~~~

aging
in an age
where my own kin
are more likely to die
before this age
than i
simply because of the color of their skin
and their femininity called into question
and it aches in my whole
soul
to know
the hatred faced is meaningless
in the grand scheme of the universe
but the effects of suffering
very much
matter

in this day and age
where we have so much
what happened to humanity
that hoarding became more socially acceptable
than sharing
and giving

~~~

like a kid
on their birthday
here i am
on mine
trying
to follow the dopamine
and have a good time

but our puppy is sick
[though doing so much better!]
and there is so much pain and suffering
in the world
that’s about to get
a whole lot
worse

and i know if i
follow my own drive
and sense of self
i can do things
for me
while at the same time
following/providing
helping hands
for others

[all while battling the existential crisis
that is
turning 27 for a ninth time]

April 17, 2024

/ HJ / Leave a comment

birds
distract
from writing
from trying
to get to know
the inside of my own head

maybe
they’re saying
‘get to know the earth
and the universe
first,
for “you” are just one part
of all’

March 24, 2024

/ HJ / Leave a comment

it’s 8:30
and i’ve started my morning pages
[morning poems]
and i’d like a coffee, but i forgot to get one
and i’d like to water the plants, but it’s not time for that
yet
and i’d like to be known
but
i’d like to work outsides of the systems our society is based on
and working outside of those systems
is pretty much impossible
because everything is connected
just like everything is connected
to our Earth
here
and we just can’t stop things from going
the world from turning
the sun from rising and setting
and time from flying
and people from dying
and people from being born and born and born
and it sometimes feels so overwhelming
when you feel like the whole universe is in your mind
but turn it around
to the other side
you are one part of the universe
small
but
so
so
so
important
don’t hold things you don’t have to
let them go
and work for your little corner
of the great
connections

[we are all fractals of this planet]

December 11, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

the more i read and research
the kinship worldview
the more i think i might not have been that crazy
when i spoke with that thunderstorm
when i feel like the trees are waving to me in the breeze
and it’s not like the selfish feelings i get
when i ponder an omniscient god
what would one entity do for me?
why would one entity do/
pay attention to/
contemplate
me?
but a single tree when i am the only one around?
a storm passing by and sticking around long enough for a conversation
even if they add up to one universe
i feel connection with the pieces
and maybe that’s how i
connect
with the energy
around me
(and maybe that’s how
i’ll forgive my
younger transgressions
when i was simply asking for attention
from the only beings around me—
—the planet)

August 21, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

words melt in my mind
from time to time
thinking them in dusk
in witching hour wants
and needing to write them out
but feeling like that would
break the spell
to spell out too much
to identify in analytic hours
so they simply
melt
become part of me
where they always were
to begin with
it seems

and maybe that’s the lesson
that’s to be earned and learned:
the words neither exist outside of me
nor are fully lost internally
they’re always there with me
as is my power
my connection
my rhythm and rhyme scheme and
spirituality
it just takes a little bit longer for myself
to see.

for where are these words and patterns
and rhymes and smatterings
of slammings be coming from
if not
inside?

August 5, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

if my connection to the universe
shows itself in
gut-feelings
and pre-physical-incident indications

and i can analyze those
to near-death
because i am so damn
analytical

then maybe, if i stop the overthinking
(or at least cut it down
as much as possible)
could my connection show itself
in other ways?

if i’m still getting the connection(s)
at my most evidence-needed/
over-thinking/
super-agnostic/
self,

what would happen if/when
i just
trust?

December 30, 2021

/ HJ / Leave a comment

the balance
of yin and yang
(Kip and Kip)
is to have the one
be
stressed out of their mind
working all day
(during vacation)
snappy,
trappy,
not happy,

and the other
enjoying
Repair Shop
and
audiobooks
and leisurely cross-stitching
all damn day…

~~~

went to bed
with an ache
that could have been the universe
reaching into me
to warn me
of something devastating approaching
or
it could have been
empathic absorption
of my spouse’s stress.

(when will i find out which?)

~~~

no,
please don’t eat the chocolate,
or the dog’s food,
or sleep on needles,
or rub yourself all around in cedar spray
or-
-what did i just say about the chocolate?!

[this cat]

November 13, 2021

/ HJ / Leave a comment

two weeks till my birthday
one week-ish till Sagittarius season
(which, to be honest, i don’t necessarily understand what that means)
but
now
here come all the feels:
the past
the present
the future
all combining
all narrowing in
(am i ever truly on the precipice of ‘something big,’
or am i simply in tune with the entire universe
and how there are big things happening
everywhere
for everyone?)

i often think about a tumblr post i saw once
where, in the afterlife, a person learns
that they have been every creature on the earth
through every lifetime.
so everyone they were mean to,
they were mean to themselves,
everyone they were kind to,
it was also towards themselves,
and from the tiniest ant
to the biggest trillionaire
through a [non-linear] time frame
they had been
everyone.

and to me, it is both a wildly self-centered,
and truly altruistic view
of life.

if the Universe is something that we share,
then perhaps we are not all one entity
bumping around/into each other
for all eternity,
but we are at least putting forth the energy we receive…

…and if we are like an apple
(keep up, i’ve moved on to referencing a tiktok video)
who exists in the third dimension
but can only find awareness of self
in the second dimension,
is there really a fourth dimension that we (as humans) exist in,
though we only have reference to ourselves in the third?
(or fifth and fourth, respectively;
i always forget where we are
and where our awareness ends.)
then my feeling of déjà vu,
and sensation of being too much for a physical human body,
was that simply a shadow of awareness
of my whole self
within the dimension of time
as it actually is,
not this linear strand
masquerading as time
as we mortals have constructed
(time IS a mortal construction)
and then, am i getting somewhere
in my thoughts
rather than feeling
so incredibly
stuck
as a human?