the puppy
and the cat
are not mortal enemies
they may, in fact
simply be
frenemies
(though,
perhaps
that’s all from the cat’s
perspective
the puppy
100% believes
they’re besties
or at least could/should be.)
computer
August 19, 2022
one of the puppy’s
favorite playthings
is a squeaker stolen
from another dog toy
the red plastic disc
bounces and baubles
in such an entertaining manner
the puppy can’t help but be
engaged
add to that the squeak for its original purpose
(a squeak she never really squeaked
when it was part of a pre-made set)
and the size perfect for her to fit
in her little puppy mouth;
this seems to be the perfect toy
she entertains herself for longer
than with any other toy
(ice cubes come close)
but its tiny size makes it the perfect prize
for the under-the-couch vortex
so she still sends up needing us
not to play with
but to rescue
this toy
as she gets it stuck
under couches,
under shelves,
behind radiators,
and between couch cushions,
and all in all, it’s a pretty good toy
for a needy puppy
(i’m just worried about the day
her mouth and throat grow
and the squeaker becomes
more choking hazard
than entertainment,
but who knows—
maybe this is the size this puppy will be
forever!)
August 18, 2022
they say the cello is the instrument
most like the human voice
but
whenever i listen to violins
play long, extended phrases
i always catch myself
holding my breath
as if i could sing the line
too
~~~
how is our puppy
so damn cute
and precious
and calm
when she’s sleepy
and so adorably hassle-y
and damn destructive
when she’s hyper-awake?
~~~
short poems
small amounts
because today
my belly says
‘no’
August 13, 2022
to write
or not to write
on this day
of performing
my own poetry
live
for the very first time
that sure is the question
~~~
can coffee
really do for my creativity
what it already does for my
comfort
and
awake-ness
and routine-building?
~~~
Oven Puppy
appears in reflections
all over our walk
and the puppy
(our puppy, Computer the Puppy)
wants to know:
is Oven Puppy nice?
how did Oven Puppy even get into our oven?
why does Oven Puppy always mimic Computer’s movements/
barks/
danger tail-poof?
how did Oven Puppy get inside the college windows at night?
and will Oven Puppy ever come out to play?
——————————————————————
The show is today, virtual, 2pm Eastern, and free
for tickets: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/321018253237
July 3, 2022
even when i’m sad
or overwhelmed
with the state of the world
this puppy doesn’t know
this puppy just wants to play
this puppy will look at me
with a tilted head
trying so hard to figure out what i’m saying
this puppy will sleep so peacefully
her feet dance and dance and dance
this puppy may not know
what’s happening
in the world
or down the street
or even fully understand
what’s happening in this house
but this puppy is happy
and that happiness
infects me
infects us
every day
and makes the world’s problems seem
a little
less daunting
for a moment
(and that is what i call
self
care)
June 24, 2022
to be
on the cusp
of knowing who you are
but still fearing the unknowns
of changes
to your
body
mind
and soul
how dare this internalized
trans-phobia,
the lies and terrorizing from the cis-stem,
affect me this deeply
(and in my Pride month, no less!)
~~~
the puppy’s tail pulsates,
swinging wildly back and forth,
as she barely contains her glee
in a well-trained sit;
‘wait’
the cat stares,
meows,
then damn near head-butts the dog
with love,
but still hisses
(instinctually?)
someday
they will
be friends.
~~~
it’s mornings like this
when my mind feels blank
that i wonder if it’s actually good for me
to write
and write
and write and write and write
until i find something to say,
or if it would better serve me
to let the morning go
‘to waste’
and write later in the day
when things have inspired my mind
to think things through
and the creative process
is finally flowing…
what
do you
think?
June 15, 2022
up early
(too early?)
to drive into manhattan
and back
before nine o’clock
(and again at 5pm)
all so our puppy
won’t have any
puppies
herself
June 5, 2022
we’ve repurposed a large tupperware container
into where we put all the pieces of paper
and threads of former toys
computer has ripped through
with her sharp puppy teeth
and we call it her art collection
and i love it
we also have
two of her puppy teeth,
molars that fell
outside
rather than down the throat,
and we’re thinking of putting them
in her art jar as well
because she did make them
and they are
art
~~~
the puppy has learned
that the top of the soft crate
can help her see
over the room-fence-divider,
and also
can keep her cool
on hot summer days
(now to see how long
the zippered canvas
will hold her weight
as she grows…)
~~~
Louka
was cat-like
in the way that she was
not very dog-like
Computer
is very cat-like
in many mannerisms
and play-approaches
and active qualities
(the passive
and the active
cat-like qualities)
(meanwhile our cat
is more monkey
than any other creature,
so…)
May 30, 2022
having
this puppy
makes me wonder
what we missed
about Louka’s puppyhood
(most of the time,
when i thought about Louka’s
sad life before us,
i only thought about her having
all those puppies
and not getting to take care of them.
but Louka had a life before motherhood,
as short as it must have been,
and i do wish i could have seen it;
could have been there
to hear her first whines
turned to yips
turned to barks
as she learned how to use
her big boof tool/
or watched her experience
grass
or rain
or pillows
or blankets
for the first time
and how she might have tested
what they were all about—
would she have bitten them
into submission
like this young Computer dog?
or was it just her big snoof
that would have assessed
what needed to be assessed?)
we think
we saw
a lot of firsts for Louka:
first carpet/
first time in the ocean/
first time on sand/
first time hearing and seeing fireworks/
first time on a waterbed/
first time allowed on a couch/
first time living in a house
with a limitless amount of love
just for her
—and eventually
she experienced her firsts
with a puppy-like curiosity,
but there was a lot/a lot/a lot of fear
at first firsts
but then i remind myself:
thunderstorms
were a big fear
of hers,
[did they remind her
of being stuck outside
in a crate
at the mercy of the elements?]
and she’d shake
and cower
and our hugs didn’t help,
and our thunder-shirts didn’t help,
and the only thing that seemed to calm her nerves
was ‘dog calming music’ playlists,
but by the time
we moved to this house,
(13 years after she was born,
7 years after she came into our lives,)
the few thunderstorms
that she saw here,
she didn’t shake
or cower
or look to the sky with panicked fear—
we didn’t even need the dog calming music;
she knew she was safe
with us.
(and i hope she went into dog heaven
knowing she was safe
without us, too.)
May 29, 2022
sometimes, you need the break,
and sometimes the break needs you,
and every now and then
you need each other,
and that
is a beautiful day
(if you listen)
~~~
what is it about the stardew valley
wintertime
music
that feels so sad
and desolate
and cold
and hopeful
and magical
and pleasant
and soft
and exciting
and new
every time i listen?
every time i play?
~~~
puppy whines
cat hisses
communication:
solid misses
