community

August 6, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

still on the high from the retreat

trying to connect with my own creative vibe
outside of all the wonderful folks
i got to know
over three long/short days

i think [my] lesson of the retreat is:
everyone has such different methods of storytelling
and modes of writing
and even within one person there are
worlds and citizens and characters and genres
and everyone listening is so, so supportive

i think i may be able to bring something
next year

[better start writing/planning
now!]

[and that is the first time that has felt exciting
and daunting
rather than daunting and a laborious struggle]

May 13, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

nine years
married

a married-a-versary

[in this world we’re living in]

but
queer joy is resistance
and showing resilience
and we can do it
while also
using our privilege to help others
in our
community

May 10, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

whenever folks have asked me, lately,
how i’m doing
[as a regular “good morning”/“hello again!” introduction]
i always answer honestly
[because i really can’t not
unless i’m in the midst of going somewhere else
and only have the time for the word “fine”]
i’ve been answering
after a pause
“good? i mean, if i’m not thinking about
the state of the world
and our country
and the eroding rights
that no one in power
seems to be stopping,
yeah, i’m actually, surprisingly, doing well.
but, you know, the minute i think about
anything outside of myself
i fall apart”

and the folks who have asked me
nod in agreement
then sigh and shake their heads in disgust
and we begin a dialogue
about all the terror
located in our nations capital
[and all over]

and while this hostile government takeover/
overt turn into fascism
is actively terrifying and illegal and immoral
it is making it okay
to talk about government abuses
in the day to day,
and be honest
that we shouldn’t actually
be okay,

so i suppose i’ll give it that.

[strangely, does fascism bring us all in
closer to community
because we actively, finally, see
what we all so desperately need?]

February 23, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

make me an omelette
and i’ll bake you some chocolate chip cookies
and we can have some tea and coffee
provided by either of us
and talk about the world around us
and how it’s hard to let go of the idea
that one of us could be the one person
to bring peace
but we are not accidental billionaires
with good hearts
or the messiah come back
with the power of god
we’re just two human beings
who want to leave the world
a bit better than we found it
and the only way we can do that
is on a smaller scale
than originally anticipated

so let’s partake in this breakfast
and dessert
and the community we create
and leave our part of the world
and the people we meet and care for
much better than we found them

January 18, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

there’s something that i’d love to capture
in words and poetry
that i don’t know if i ever will
because i can’t really explain
even in sense memory
the vibes of the car ride
through protected valley park
and up into the city/suburb
that was my second home/
that i knew was my grandparents’ first home/
that my whole family had worked
or played at
or seen
at least once,
and how it kept that vibe
of excitement
and homecoming
for so long —
long enough that i can remember it
as an early early memory
riding in the backseat/
riding in the passenger’s seat/
driving myself/
knowing where i was going to
was where i belonged
even if i felt just a little out of whack with everyone
it was more like a phase shift
than a whole different universe
[like most of my life]
and i could get lost
in the flow of acting
or dancing
or singing
or hanging with friends
or creating something
or everything
and simply the anticipation
of arriving at a place
that i knew so well
and felt
was mine
that even the drive felt like
home

[and it’s actually very different now,
but last i was there
it still smelled the same]

November 8, 2024

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i want to resist
with love
and creativity
and i know the other side
has so much hatred
to fuel their fire
and it will get to me
it will get to me

but i’d rather stay soft
and weepy
than let blind rage lead me
to hurting anyone
inside
or outside
my community

June 27, 2024

/ HJ / Leave a comment

mutual aid
mutual companionship
community
and us keeping us safe

i can listen and adopt and absorb these ideals,
but being raised in middle class white america
means my default is to
the individualistic/
pull oneself up by their bootstraps/
bullshit this country forcefeeds us

even when i don’t want to believe

[brainwashing is a powerful thing]

February 21, 2023

/ HJ / Leave a comment

the concept of community scares me

and i know the ancestors of this land
would balk
at that self-assessment

but i bet white supremacy would smile

feeling/being only beholden to oneself
makes for
either
one great bootstraps story
or
one of many that the upper-crust doesn’t have to deal with
other than as
stepping stones

but i was born and raised in this society
that values individuality above all else
and insists that, even within social standing
that place is precarious at best
(imagine entire books/movies/tv episodes
about a whole friend group
turning against you
for no reason other than
they can)
so to be solidly a part of a posse
you should be the one holding
all the power

that isn’t sustainable
that isn’t healthy
that isn’t the way humanity should be

but

i’ve lived it

multiple times

so please, caretakers of turtle island
i feel whispering in my flailing mind
from time to time,
forgive me as i resist the concept of community
and rely on only myself
and my spouse
for literally everything–
i’m only doing what i was taught
for the first 30 or so years of my life
and experienced from others
taught the same way…

my heart is vulnerable
but quite willing
to learn