breathe through
the pain
the panic
the day
the week
the month
the year
the administration
the takeover
the ugliness
the inhumanity
the world
the lifetime
[a life is meant to be lived
fully, not
breathed
through
until the end]
[if only those who made it this bad
did any meditation
of self-reflection
of their own damn actions]
to write
of rights
of all the rest of us
who disagree
with this
dumbass
dictatorial
authoritarian
administration
[that couldn’t get an actual majority of citizens’ votes
legally
if they wanted to]
but to write,
my rights
are being taken away
disappeared
along with actual human beings
citizens
and legal immigrants
and legality shouldn’t matter
when it comes to
humanity
i feel hopeless and helpless
and i know that’s on purpose
but maybe with all of us
we can overthrow this asshole
one
word
one
person
one
hope
at a time
it’s already
march
but january and february seemed to take
forever
will the rest of this year
fly
by
or will it stretch and strain
as our cheeto in chief
brags about wars
and killing
whomever he pleases
i know i know i know
in just a few years
this will all have seemed
like it happened in the blink of an eye
but living in it
is dunking one’s head in molasses
and expecting
to blink
and breathe
and see
normally
spending so much time
on stardew valley
because
sometimes
you just need that oomf
to get you through
a day/week/fascist government
the morality
against ai
or for
the one company
willing to refuse
to bend to pressure
from our fascist fucked-up government
[the condolence we have
is
we give money to support
their stance, and
if they end up bending
we can just
cancel
and give it up
and be curmudgeons all over again]
perhaps we’re living on the edge
perhaps the space age is actually coming
and the future will be so much brighter
than this tragic darkness we’re currently enduring
and our art will be the stuff of legends
of how we got out from under
fascist strong arms
and authoritarian ties
and everything will turn out
alright
in the end
i’m hopeful
but not expectful
because i know how these “governments” work
and we are facing a long
long
long
long
long trek ahead
[even a flashy fast apocalypse
would be welcomed more
than this slow descending trend
towards the end]
but as much as i see each moment
as if it’ll be viewed in history
i do not have the foresight of the future
i cannot know exactly what direction we’re taking
until it’s already been
taken
so i’ll simply say this:
continue fighting
whether the end is in sight
or not — perhaps your words will inspire
the next artist
to write
and on and on we inspire
and write
and fight
until the light actually
comes blazing
through.
constantly feeling on a precipice
of the world burning
of my own superstardom
of our own government disintegrating
of my writing something inviting and entrancing
to my own
senses
but i think,
at least for my own cliffs’ edges,
i cannot wait for the feeling of falling —
i need to just
jump
the morning poetry
still in the morning
still in the morning
as my father waters all his plants
and as the puppy gets into trouble
in the kitchen
the kitchen of my childhood
which only looks half like it did
in my childhood
and i have already scoped through the dozens
perhaps hundreds
of articles of clothing i still have in this house
to see if anything
still slaps
and now my father is done with the plants
and is playing with the puppy
like he had promised her
and i can see into the dining room
as they play
and play and play
and i think it’s
almost
as good as me bringing him
a grandchild
to play with
[maybe
maybe
maybe when our country
isn’t trying to literally kill
anyone who isn’t a
cis
straight
white
upper class
christian
man
maybe then
we’ll bring him one]
we’re getting closer
and closer
and closer
to spooky time
and i cannot help but feel
this halloween season is a little
lackluster—perhaps what with the being busy
perhaps with the fact that the administration is doing
far scarier things than the imaginary haunts and ghouls
ever could [a human monster is always so much worse], but
i wish i could enjoy october in the way i usually do…
but i simply don’t think that’s in the cards right now
and, honestly, that’s ok
another night
of waking up at 1/2/3/4 in the morning
to stress
to discomfort
to the panic at the state of the world
and the state of my mind
and this would all be fine
if i could just
fall back
to sleep
like i so recently used to
but apparently i’m back to
high school
college
teenage
early 20’s hj
where i struggle to fall asleep
and i struggle to stay asleep
and every moment i wish i was asleep
i panic about not getting enough sleep
and everything
always feels
so much
worse
in the nighttime
i considered waking kip up
to talk with them
hold them
have them hold me
to see
if having someone right there with me
would be any help at all
and i think, if i had panicked myself any harder
any more
any longer
i might have
but somehow
i finally
fell back
to sleep
how did i survive damn near a decade
like this???
[i was miserable the whole time
that’s how]
[i don’t want to be that miserable
again]
kipventures 