running through my head are
the carols kip included in
their hocus focus holiday lofi
that they made in record time
[the app as well as the ditty itself]
and the silly, almost spooky song
of lionel richie
remade for the land of lego
[and my nyc v/o debut]
and was this poem just a sneaky way
to share this house’s kipmas sucesses
with whomsoever reads this poem?
well, yes.
eves are still for
excitement and
possibilities
no matter how old i grow
or how pessimistic i think i’m becoming
i still have the idea for what could be
just on my vision’s horizon
[i hope i never lose that]
it is december
it is december
i’m allowing myself these
twenty-five to thirty-one days
of holiday feeling
[perhaps it’s a mistake,
but,
in nyc i believe
i am not beholden to old memories —
this city makes new ones all the time
and i can learn from all of that
and all of those
and have an nyc holiday season
instead of suffering from memories
of midwest christmases
long since passed]
sweaters and sweatshirts
we forget about for
nearly a solid year
and then
once the actual day of christmas
is over
we find all our festive apparel
so we don it
in this liminal time
between christmas hype
and new year’s hangover
and try to continue into january
but it always feels
odd
and forced
and then, it’ll get lost in the backs of
closets
and cupboards
and dressers
once again
[how are we so predictable?]
for a second
for a moment
for the briefest of instances
the highest tones were all i could hear
from the jackhammer working
a few blocks away
and i thought
for that tiny amount of time
that someone was continuing the holiday spirit
into boxing day
and jangling jingle bells
as hard as they could
[new york sounds are a symphony]
making new
traditions
making old traditions
happier
making things work
in this snow-less escape
that is our regular every day life
in new york city
~~~
down the coffee
slip off to the holiday market
grab cider/
wine/
juice/
anything
to make a mulled wine
happen
and also some stickers
and also some goofy goofs
and also
some
potential
presents
for a new
present moment
~~~
silly,
i
already
know
distracting
christmas music
[before thanksgiving/my birthday?!?
aghast gasp!]
i think
it’s because
we keep needing more and more
good things
to look forward to
in this painful, terrible world of ours
i have never been a christian
and i only really celebrated christmas
when i was young and full of
the influences of my parents
and the hopes and dreams of stuff
provided by santa claus and elves
and eight magic reindeer
(nine if you count the jewish one)
(which i absolutely do, now that i know)
christmas meant a lot more to me
when my family was near
and the holiday was important to them
but it never fully felt like
a religious experience–
it was a family experience
a consumerist experience
a mostly joyful
pretty fraught
pressure-filled
capitalist
kind of
time of
year
and there is something to be said for the coziness it provides
and it is always good to have loved ones by your side
but i never really understood how a holiday
based on stealing pagan celebrations
and not at all the time of year
of the actual birth
of the ‘savior’
could hold so much over so much of the population
but
put into perspective:
these traditions are far older than the oldest known time of christ
so i suppose i can see how that might
influence a whole boatload of the population;
the earth still cycles
and we as residents of the planet feel it
even if we don’t acknowledge that feeling
and
another way:
as the earth cycles
and time is a mortal construction
the celebration of a loved one
need not be on the actual day of an event—
so i could see
a birthday party for little jesus
many months delayed
just to be able to celebrate
when everyone can get together
so i suppose
i’m not as jaded as when
i began this poem
but i started it intending to speak
of new traditions/
experimenting with traditions/
very non-traditional traditions/
but if the point of traditions
is to have loved ones near
(physically or simply
in one’s heart)
i think i’m celebrating
this time of year
pretty darn well.
happy merry to those who celebrate,
and have a wonderful day to those who do not,
and anyone like me
who is still figuring out what to believe
about the malleability of time/tradition/religion/self
i hope you too have
a lovely day
a lovely meal
and some lovely folks
to hold dearly dear
this may be the end of this poem
but is certainly not the end
of this contemplation.
l’chaim!
it’s Kipmas
we say
thirteen days
of a love language
trying not to fall into the pits
of the deep despairing depression
this time of year
usually yields
but also trying not
to avoid it;
if i need to mourn
the happiness and joy
of a home full of life
that now only seems to house
(or maybe that’s just my impression)
then that’s ok.
if i need to cry
that this year feels so weird
(especially now
that it’s actually
precedented)
and there’s such simple way(s)
for folks to avoid
overwhelming an already overburdened
healthcare system,
then that’s ok.
i’m not thinking in poetry right now,
it’s not morning
(my usual time to write)
and i’m full with Finnish food
and i feel both antsy and tired
at the same time,
itching for adventure
but longing to stay home
for (possibly) ever
this time of year
is weird
and often brings up
a whole shitload of emotions
(and these last two years more than ever)
but that’s ok.
feel your feelings,
even indulge;
too much is asked of us
at this time of year;
expectations abound
and you can take a moment
or a day
or a week
or a month
to just
sit
and
feel.
(and if i need to have a total breakdown
right as i try to post this
and instead weep for hours
and back-post it
from the 26th,
then i’ll do that, too.)
kipventures 