being human

September 16, 2024

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i know the steps i’d take
and the things i’d say
to be mean

but i never say or do them
they remain inside my mouth/my throat/buried deep inside my mind

and though those actions i’ve never taken
and i know i never will,
how come having those thoughts alone makes me feel like
the worst person who has ever lived?

[i know i know the point is
we cannot control our immediate reactions/thoughts/feelings,
but what we can control —
and what shows the merit of a person —
is how we act on them, but i guess i just want to be so good of a human
that i never have human feelings
ever]

May 18, 2024

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i still feel like i’m trapped in my house
not allowed to go out
not suitable for other human’s consumption
and i want to need to wait
a bit
longer to be permitted to rejoin the human race

~~~

unknown what to write
what to even think about
when my morning has been going
a certain way for a week, and now goes
a completely
different route

[i hate that i need consistency]

~~~

puppeteering
and back to singing
and in a show again
and pride-month dancing
and still i have no idea
if i even want to be perceived
in front of an audience
at this stage in my life
or not

February 24, 2024

/ HJ / Leave a comment

sometimes
i
forget that i
am human

and i push and i roll and i run and i expect
to go and go and go
and i get so
confused when i’m tired
or exhausted
or just feel off
and even more strange is when i
take care of basic human needs
and feel
a little bit
better

like

how am i, an inhuman cryptid
a god
an entity expected
to have zero needs
feel less cranky
when i get some food in me
or have a sip of coffee
or actually get eight hours of sleep

how dare my body
betray me by being
[the normal amount of] needy

August 2, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

a stress
a little baby stress
is turning into a huge, monstrous, mountainous stress
and not because it’s actually getting bigger
but because i’m waiting longer
to deal with it

[when will i learn?]

~~~

but that’s the thing, isn’t it, about humans and stress–
different folks deal with different stressors
in different ways

~~~

maybe
just maybe
i might
just need
a nap

[and maybe
possibly
potentially
that’s part
of the
problem???]

ugh
being human…

June 17, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

this is just a human emotion
no need to block it
no need to grasp it

breathe through it,
let it flow through you;
if there are tears,
that’s fine.
if there aren’t,
also fine.

the flowing
breathing
through
is not to rid it from your system,
nor to memorize it for future use,
it is simply to feel it
as it is
in you.

because,
contrary to your own protestations,
you are, indeed, human,
and humans have
human
emotions.

so breathe.