i honestly
don’t understand
me
at odds with myself
August 30, 2025
i feel at odds
with my own creativity
with my own wants and needs
with my own life as i’m living it
amongst people
everything feels so fallible
so ephemeral
and i suppose it all is
it’s just, there might be some time
before all the skills and abilities
and friends and life
leaves us
so we might as well have fun while we can
[rather than worrying ourselves
into complete stagnancy]
March 27, 2025
welcome, me,
i say to myself, out loud
because i can’t seem to
get on my own side
without making it a show
for someone
else
[that feels like an important lesson to have sink in]
March 9, 2025
pondering philosophies —
i wonder why i
seem to flounder when it comes to
strong opinions and staunch stances
but that’s just from the inside
if i zoom out, i realize
i do have a very strong morality —
a constant running baseline
that i live my life by:
kindness
and if i zoom out a little further,
i can see how living my life
with so much pressure and hatred towards myself
is in direct opposition to my main focal philosophy…
perhaps
perhaps
perhaps
i need to be kind to myself
in order to feel more like
the myself i would like
to be
September 30, 2024
windshield wipers
swipe the gentle drizzle
away from my sight
as i try to listen
and hear
and absorb
and accept
this love coming at me from the passenger side
but it’s hard when your own brain gives you ways
to always counter with absurd logic
anything better than
utter self-hatred
but i’m trying
i’m trying
i’m trying
May 4, 2024
running away from
all responsibilities
in order to take care of
my own health self
[i hate it i hate it i hate it]
April 29, 2024
i often joke that
any chaotic,
multi-tonal,
polysymphonic
music
is what it is like in my head.
but
if i were to be honest with myself
and others
i’d have to say that my head,
when left to its own devices,
probably sounds more like static
with waves of frequencies coming in and out
and sometimes the station it catches
is crazy circus music
with too much going on
to hone in on one melody
or instrument
or vibe,
but sometimes
[most of the time]
my head is just catching
little phrases i heard throughout the day
or music from forever away
or a sentence i say
to make myself smaller
and more likeable
by everyone but myself
[what would even be the phrase
that would make me
love me?]
March 25, 2024
sometimes
i hide from my grief
like i can feel it coming towards me
i’m looking over my shoulder
trying to outpace its steps
ducking into door frames in alleyways
hoping it’ll just walk past me
and keep on going
and i can be
free
but my grief is a part of me
it is inside me
it is made up of me
i can’t escape myself
[no matter how hard i try]
so why
can’t i let grief
just
ride?
kipventures 