i love doing things with my hands
creating and crafting and seeing something come to fruition
with only my fingers and a few fibers to start
and i love creating with my mind
and using letters and words and language
and the simplest of things build whole worlds
and express emotions i never thought i’d be able to express
and i love being physical
creating strength from my own muscles
creating an audience reaction through my own movement
and stage presence
and i love organizing
creating a sense of order where
once there was none
and i love acting
taking only my own experiences
and creating a whole new person
from others’ words
and my empathy
and some research
and guidance from a director
and reactions from fellow actors
and i think the conclusion this poem is giving me
is gifting me
is that everything i love has a sense of creation
and that could be the biggest aspect
of the things that i love
that i love the most
aerial dance
July 21, 2026
playing and experimenting
and stretching and folding
and walking and posing
and it almost
almost
almost felt like madison
again
March 5, 2026
my body feels like it is
about to fall completely
apart
and i simply hope it stays together
for one [or two] more circus lessons
and an evening voiceover class
after all that
it is welcome to
fail
because friday is the day
i have a two hour massage booked
and hopefully
hopefully
hopefully
that can put me back together again
[or at least break my body apart
in such a way
that fitting myself back
goes the right
way]
September 30, 2025
once
a very very very long time ago
my parents
[who are, in their own right, a couple of kooky characters]
offhandedly mentioned to me
that i was such a weird being,
once i found someone who liked me
for me
i’d better hold onto them
and though i took it as a point of pride then
[and still kind of do now]
i’d be lying if i said it didn’t impact
my own personal perception of self
and value
et cetera
et cetera
et cetera
but i think
that’s why i’m drawn
and secured
here in aerial circus
this feels like the hobby
that saw me in all my wild and strange glory
and said “that one, we like them
we’d better hold onto them”
and so i clutch back on
even tighter
to circus
August 31, 2025
the pain in my arm
has never harmed me
in the air
this bothersome little
strain
on the tendon
is only ever annoying
when writing
or scrolling
or holding
or driving
it never affects me while flying
which is nice
but
it does make me think that
my bod just wants to be a circus performer
and nothing else
nothing
“normal”
at least
May 8, 2025
creativity streams from me
from my fingertips to a computer screen
from my acting choices to an audience’s eyes
from my body on a circus apparatus
and i feel
almost
creative
May 1, 2024
circus objects leave bruises,
kisses of green/brown/blue/purple
burns of bright red,
popped blood vessels and
convincing nerves to not overreact again
we love this art
and it loves us back — we even have the marks
to prove it
March 24, 2023
the thing they don’t tell you
about using your own body as art
is that some days
and even some weeks
things will feel harder/
take longer/
not align the way you’re used to/
but
if you push through
build the strength/endurance/technique you need
you’ll survive those times
and come out the other side
even more artful than you were
(at least that’s what i’m counting on—
i might still be in ‘one of those weeks’
even now
we’ll see
we’ll see)
June 11, 2022
puppies
playing
in the morning
the joy
it brings
me
gnaw on that rope!
chase that bouncy kong!
harass that hasslecat!
(the world is your dog park)
~~~
commotion:
the morning;
the coffee.
~~~
the promoting
of shows
always
stresses me
the buttz
out
(
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/aerial-arts-nyc-iaw-showcase-tickets-358998302587
if you want to zoom
in
)
June 10, 2022
i suppose the reason
i’m so damn nervous
about this upcoming performance
is because it’s the only one.
i can overthink
and over prepare
and over-wrack my nerves
because i’m not at the point
yet
where performing is just
my way of life
(it doesn’t help
that this is the first live one
since before the pandemic,
so the pressure
mounts
immeasurably)
