the day after a show
but so much happened
on top of it
a meeting
a surgery
an emergency allergy reaction
[not mine tho]
and i can hardly revel in the feeling of the show
[or
even berate myself for
not promoting it
more]
except for the moment
i stayed in the moment
afterwards
talking
with the lovely lovely people involved
i think they’re all so rad
and i’m so glad
i got to tell them so
i have had
quite the busy
busy week
and today is the day for
resting
and chores that have been waiting
for at least a week
if not more to
be done
and this may end up being my week
from now until
who knows when
but i’ll keep trucking
i’ll keep doing
until i find myself
trying
something different
[i still want to write more than anything
but i can never think of anything
to actually write
about]
they say to be a good actor
you have to live some life first
is the same true about writers?
they say “write what you know”
and if you know shelter and
safety and never worrying
and never feeling anything
won’t your writing be…
kinda beige?
but as a writer,
as an actor,
as a poet,
we feel things with the intensity of a human being
thrust into the sun a thousand times over;
we take our [possibly mundane] lives
and crank our imagination up to eleven;
we seek experiences to suck life from
and try to make art from the remnants…
is simply living life too much for an artist,
or is it exactly what the artist needs?
[or am i over-thinking everything]
[and isn’t that what creatives do, too?]
here we are
working[auditioning]actor
less time for
writing
more time for
figuring out
[im]perfectionism
creativity streams from me
from my fingertips to a computer screen
from my acting choices to an audience’s eyes
from my body on a circus apparatus
and i feel
almost
creative
i may have shot myself in the foot/
given myself a crazy amount of work to do
on this one, singular, last day of
National Novel Writing Month
but i also know i can do it —
it’ll be tough, but it’ll be achievable.
it’ll be hard
but i’m pretty damn sure
i can do it.
i easily made 3,000 words work
in one day of writing —
just two sections
and a break in-between,
so i’ll just have to do three sections
two breaks,
or more and more
if the work needs to be divided
into tinier bite-sizes
the only worry i have
is the focus
to be split
among writing
auditioning (i.e. memorizing/practicing)
and circus-ing
perhaps i’ll have to write
non-poetry
on the train
for the first time
ever…
when you wake from sleep
and can only dream
in waking hours
of your next nap
you might be depressed
or
you might be in tech week.
acting
theatre
the arts
they are art
but they are also my job
and so i view them as such
otherwise
i get too overwhelmed
i get too anxious over everything
so if i treat them as a career
a necessity
an activity i’ve done so much i could probably do it in my sleep
they don’t hold power over me
and then i can do them
better
poetry-ing
from the midst of a theatre
audience left
stage right
home
for so many years
conceptually
this place
specifically
home
for the next week
[or so]
what a weird week
said multiple people these past seven days
not necessarily bad
(nor good either)
just
weird.
and i have to agree;
going from being terrified to submit to anything,
theatre/
film/
voiceover/
experimental/
at all
(for fear of the inevitable
no-reply rejection)
i submitted to three things in two days
and got auditions for over half
(still have to audition,
but damn
does it feel like
the relief
of crawling out of a ravine
but looking up to see
more walls surrounding you
again)
man
i chose this.
kipventures 