February 19, 2026

trying to coax
the cat downstairs
to get her med
so she can go through life
sans digestive strain and pain
and yet
she’s a cat
and doesn’t understand
the cause and effect
[or even the daily proven math
of ‘you don’t get your breakfast
until we force this gross liquid
into your mouth’]
so she whines
and complains
and won’t let us catch her
[it’s a silly game of cat and mouse
when the cat is the mouse
and the humans take on
the feline part
but it’s all for good
we swear
we keep telling her
it’s all
for your own
good…]

[if only cats understood complex concepts and the english language
then maybe this daily morning process
wouldn’t be so much of a
hassle]

February 18, 2026

alright
okay

just write your silly little story
in the morning
when you’re already on a laptop
and you’re already at the keyboard
and you’re already scanning your mind
for words and concepts and
you have the time
you have the time
why not write when you
have the
time?

February 17, 2026

the day after a show
but so much happened
on top of it

a meeting
a surgery
an emergency allergy reaction
[not mine tho]

and i can hardly revel in the feeling of the show
[or
even berate myself for
not promoting it
more]

except for the moment
i stayed in the moment
afterwards
talking
with the lovely lovely people involved

i think they’re all so rad

and i’m so glad
i got to tell them so

February 16, 2026

feeling like i just want to fall asleep
and stay asleep
at any given moment
of any given day

and is it depression?

is it the exhaustion of an
active allergic reaction?

am i just a little bit less
energetic
than the average
person?

could it be something i’m not even thinking of
yet?

or do i just want to spend my days lost in my own imagination land?

[and
could i bring that imagination
into my own waking
writing
life
sometime?

soon?

please?]

February 15, 2026

here i thought it was the
‘having an actual regularly scheduled job’
that was making the days long
and the nights
rough
but i think it’s actually this
unknown
allergy
type
thing

because it’s hard to be awake
and itchy and inflamed
and it’s hard to fall asleep
not knowing what your body is going to do to you
next

February 12, 2026

i wish i could just
relax into knowing
i know something

but instead the anxiety decides
to show up right at that moment
and “release” me from feeling
good about
anything
and instead
i feel
stupid/foolish/in over my head/a fraud

a straight up, full on imposter

how will i ever feel
like i’ve achieved
anything
if this is what my brain chemistry
does to me
every
single
time?

February 10, 2026

ugh
just
ugghhh

~~~

the eyes itch
and the nose sniffs
and the exhaustion hits
and it may just be allergies
it’s probably just allergies
but it still makes me want to
cry for hours or escape into the night
or simply sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep

~~~

i will say
at least my allergist
seemed just as confused
and almost as frustrated
as i am
when he told me
i’m just a big
question mark